So...
Im 45,divorced, father of 2 boys. Listening for about 2 years and i love Paul's painful honesty
Dx'd with cyclothymia about a year ago. Every day is a challenge. My oldest son (9) has Autism, my youngest has anxiety problems. I was married for 17 years. We dated for 8 years. She left me and moved in with the guy she had an affair with.
Right now my existance seems wrapped up in this house. It was the one she wanted. Im upside down in the mortgage. Its falling apart and everywhere i look i see things wrong with the house that make me want to burn it oto the ground. Too much to fix. I feel im stuck here. Its too big, i cant afford it, and it reminds me of her.
Today was the most comfortable i felt with the idea of dying. Everything seems a bridge too far.
I know these felings will pass, but i also know they will be back
Im not getting anything out of this life
hi
Re: hi
Hi John -
You know, the grass is always greener. I am stuck in an unhappy marriage and two of the things that I long for the most are to have kids and to have a house. I hope that you can find some time for you outside of working on the house and being with your kids. The loss of your marriage and the flaws with your house don't define who you are as a person. You're worth hanging in there for. You will eventually make it out of that house and into a place where you and your sons will be happy. I'm thinking good thoughts and sending them your way.
You know, the grass is always greener. I am stuck in an unhappy marriage and two of the things that I long for the most are to have kids and to have a house. I hope that you can find some time for you outside of working on the house and being with your kids. The loss of your marriage and the flaws with your house don't define who you are as a person. You're worth hanging in there for. You will eventually make it out of that house and into a place where you and your sons will be happy. I'm thinking good thoughts and sending them your way.
Re: hi
Weary, those are kind words. I try to remember that I am fortunate in many ways. I try. Most days I am simply over run by negative thoughts.
I know that things will change. Its not the house that troubles me as much as the anger and the hurt that I have every day in this place. My self doubt restricts me, the anxiety rattles my thoughts, combined with poor coping skills, and I never ending fear that even if i try things will always turn to crap. It is not reasonable to feel this way. I know it. But it is how I feel and I am desperate to feel differently.
For you Im returning the good thoughts that things get better for you as well.
I know that things will change. Its not the house that troubles me as much as the anger and the hurt that I have every day in this place. My self doubt restricts me, the anxiety rattles my thoughts, combined with poor coping skills, and I never ending fear that even if i try things will always turn to crap. It is not reasonable to feel this way. I know it. But it is how I feel and I am desperate to feel differently.
For you Im returning the good thoughts that things get better for you as well.