tired of this life

[lovetohelp74]

Hello

I am married to a man with severe depression and some addiction to alcohol and pot. I have 2 older children from a previous relationship, and we have a set of twin boys. He has recently moved out this past weekend.
The day after NYE he told me , he was very unhappy and wanted to move out. He said I didnt let him be the father he wanted to be. He said living in this house was miserable. I was very sad and asked him over and over to please rethink it and have for years looked for a ways to understand him and be patient. I have read books, prayed to God to help me see my mistakes. He never liked what I cooked , but if i did cook he almost never ate it. The frustration , anxiety and stress was awful at home, everyone felt it. The twins have been diagnosed with ADHD and I have had to learn to deal with them almost on my own.
Anyway, apparently my husband was bluffing about moving out. The day he moved out he called and told me he couldn't believe I let him leave, even though he hadnt even slept with me since thanksgiving, he moved out of our bedroom and went to sleep in another room. Now he wants to come home and says he loves me . I am very angry because for 2 months I have been trying to accept or trying to change his mind. Today I have accepted it and I am even happy now. The burden of thinking up a way to make him want to stay is gone and the anxiety and stress is also gone from home. My older son is much happier and I see an improvement in the twins behavior as well.
So now I am full of guilt because my husband is trying to munipulate me into trying to let him come home to work things out. I have asked him many times to read or listen to some books , articles or podcast and he told me one time to - stick my book up my ass or no matter what he reads or does, nothing is changing his mind.
I have been treated awful and I am glad he is gone, but why do I feel bad for him ?? why cant i just stop thinking that I am being to harsh on him ?? Even thought I know that I am better off without him ..... what do you all think?? can I help him ?

[Fredbo]

I'm sorry you are going through this... But first you must take care of yourself and he will need to take responsibility for his problems. Try not to let him control you. You deserve better. But then again, what do I know! If nothing else I hope this forum helps you get through this time in as healthy a way as possible. Welcome.

-Fredbo

[weary]

I want to echo what Fredbo says. You are responsible for you and your feelings and he is responsible for him, his feelings, and his problems. It sounds like there was almost some kind of calm and relief that you are feeling with the acceptance of him leaving. Somehow I think that's not what he expected and he is freaking out a bit that you didn't react the way he wanted you to.

I have been treated awful and I am glad he is gone, but why do I feel bad for him ?? why cant i just stop thinking that I am being to harsh on him ?? Even thought I know that I am better off without him ..... what do you all think?? can I help him ?

Because you're a good person. Because you have feelings. Because even if he can act like a jerk and he has problems, you probably still love him. I don't think you are being too harsh on him. He chose to leave. It sounds like you agree that things weren't working before he left.
It's not your responsibility to help him. Maybe if he really doesn't want to lose you, the realization that you are better off without him will be the motivation he needs to straighten himself out.

Welcome to the boards, by the way. Being in a volatile relationship with someone who has issues with depression and anxiety (especially if you struggle with some of those things yourself) SUCKS. But there are plenty of people on here who have been there or are still there (myself included). Loving yourself and honoring your feelings is key. Best wishes.

[lovetohelp74]

Thank you , I feel better reading this, I will print it and read it when I feel guilty