Newbie Here--

[CrazyHorse]

I live in New York (City, that is), and I am just about completely alone. True, my mother and father both live here (divorced), and I communicate with them frequently--if "communicating" is the word. Nevertheless I am, for all intents and purposes, entirely alone.

Financially, I live off my mother, and I am 45 (or 44. Can't remember!). This is not to say that I am not entirely, utterly broke most of the time, so I cannot go out on dates (I am heterosexual), or, for that matter, do just about anything that requires more than five dollars. New York is a competitive town, and it's easy to get isolated if you you're not working. New York is a place where, take my word for it if you don't believe me, please, it is very, very easy to get isolated, not necessarily through any fault of one's own.

It is easy to despair in circumstances such as those I must endure every day. I am a writer, but that isn't exactly paying the bills. I do some freelance computer tech work every now and then, but there is no way I can reach the point of paying my own bills in this city, not starting at 45.* Until three years ago, I was almost entirely disabled due to OCD, and an anxiety disorder. This cluster of psychological problems/diagnoses began, I believe (as does my father), when I was around two and a half years old. Until three years ago, when I started on Zoloft, no therapy or medication ever worked. I was almost entirely dysfunctional due to the anxiety and OCD. So, in a sense, I was "born" three years ago (at the age of 42). But try starting out, being mentally ill, at 42 on the streets of New York (proverbially, or figuratively speaking).

This is my current predicament. Thank you for your time.

* At least realistically speaking.

[Cheldoll]

Welcome to the forum. NYC's always struck me as a very difficult place to live, so I'm not surprised about how you feel there.

I just started Zoloft two weeks ago and I think it's really helping... although that may be also due to the therapy I've started attending again. Do you have any other sort of treatment/meds?

[ghughes1980]

Welcome aboard!

[CrazyHorse]

Thank you, Cheldoll. A little bit of Lamictal. What feelings does the Zoloft bring about in you, if you don't mind my asking?

Welcome to the forum. NYC's always struck me as a very difficult place to live, so I'm not surprised about how you feel there.

I just started Zoloft two weeks ago and I think it's really helping... although that may be also due to the therapy I've started attending again. Do you have any other sort of treatment/meds?

[CrazyHorse]

Thanks. Per "welcome aboard," hopefully this ship'll last longer than the Titanic! (Kinda dumb joke....)

Welcome aboard!

[ColemanSilk]

Welcome. I lived in NYC for many years. It's not a terrible place to be as long as you can make rent. Long walks, cheap places to eat/drink if you seek them out. Best of luck to you.

[Dopamine Fiend]

Welcome... I'm new here too, but I feel your pain (sort of). I have no money, and I think I'm way too old to be living financially off of my parents, yet I am. I feel alone much of the time simply because I don't like to socialize (or I'm awful at it so I just avoid the negative feelings that come with the awkwardness).

What I really want to do is emphasize Mr. Gilmartin's giant message... YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Especially here! Even though I'm new to the forums, I'm pretty sure this is a place where you don't have to feel alone. Okay so it's not face to face, but at least you know we aren't all robots...

........Hmmmm

[Cheldoll]

I'm taking Lamictal too. Oh and Effexor, which I'm currently trying to wean off of because it's been losing it's effectiveness and I'm on such a high dose. The Zoloft made me feel really sick for the first week and I still get headaches after taking it in the morning, but I guess I feel like I have more energy. Sometimes I find myself literally standing in the middle of my living room wanting to do something and having the energy to do it... but not knowing what I want to do. Is it the depression? Is it just indecision? I'm not really sure.

[CrazyHorse]

I don't know about the indecision, but I do know that any extra energy you might have since starting the Zoloft sounds a lot like what happened to me when I started taking it about three years ago. I became a "workaholic" virtually over night! I did more things in six months than I probably did in my entire life. This is just a slight exaggeration.

Were you low on energy before the Zoloft, Cheldoll?

I'm taking Lamictal too. Oh and Effexor, which I'm currently trying to wean off of because it's been losing it's effectiveness and I'm on such a high dose. The Zoloft made me feel really sick for the first week and I still get headaches after taking it in the morning, but I guess I feel like I have more energy. Sometimes I find myself literally standing in the middle of my living room wanting to do something and having the energy to do it... but not knowing what I want to do. Is it the depression? Is it just indecision? I'm not really sure.

[Cheldoll]

Yeah, I used to be exhausted after doing even minor things like the laundry. My apartment is definitely cleaner now, because I get kinda restless and start seeing all the things that need to be done. The indecision might also be related to my anxiety -- so many options, feeling maybe overwhelmed at the possibilities? Not sure. It's really nice to have the option to do things without immediately feeling drained afterwards, though.