Greetings

[neutral]

Hello:

I have been listening to Paul Gilmartin's podcast (which has been a godsend) for about two years. I've occasionally browsed the forums here, but never had the courage to create an account and begin posting until now (though I have wanted to for awhile).

I am 37, a librarian, living in New York City. I've struggled with reoccurring depression for most of my life. I was raised by both parents, but my father was emotionally abusive (when he wasn't distant and withdrawn), and his worst bouts of anger were psychotic. This has shaped my life in all sorts of terrible ways. I don't know if the depression is the result of my experiences, or if I have depressive tendencies that my childhood exacerbated. My way of coping with my father when I was young was to withdraw emotionally and "bottle up" to wait out his anger. Unfortunately, that tendency has never left me, even though I left home years ago, and I still struggle with it (hence my user name). I also struggle with anxiety, being afraid of meeting people and engaging in the world - all of the "good" stuff. The Mental Illness Happy Hour was a revelation when I discovered it, because some of the guests discuss their struggles with the very same issues, and sure enough, I started to feel that I wasn't alone in dealing with these things.

Not sure what else to write, but I figure this is a start, at least!

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello neutral, welcome to our little forum! Can't wait to read your contributions to all the different threads here. My father was alcoholic and manic and violent and abusive, so I know how scary that can be. Please take care, all the best, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[neutral]

Thank you!

[oak]

Yes, I am also happy you are here, neutral.

I am glad to see you use your voice.

Likewise, regarding your chosen career, I know that librarians are at the forefront of helping others find and use their voice, and opposing those who would silence others.

I am being awkward, trying to say that I celebrate you using the same skills in your personal life, as you do in your professional life.