Nobody wants an old broad

[LeeLeeLee]

Hi everyone -
I've dealt with varying degrees of depression for most of my life. Right now I'm on Effexor, which has worked well for me. The problem is that I haven't been able to find a permanent job since I was laid off in 2009, and the constant financial stress, coupled with the realization that nobody wants to hire an old broad like me (I'm 61) is not only worrisome but has led me to new semi-SI behaviors (skin picking and ice crunching) and I have felt like I've been holding onto a ledge with my fingernails for years. I am divorced and have no children. I have many online friends but few that I see in person. When I get into a difficult situation with a friend, I will run away rather than deal with it. I have a horror of becoming homeless, but am teetering on the edge of it. The therapist that I saw for 14 years eventually fired me because I hadn't been able to pay her in so long.
I've been listening to the podcast for awhile, and am happy to find these forums, where at the very least, I can safely vent! I had to revise my blog, because a potential employer declined to interview me when they Googled my name and read my blog - which is mostly about my creative endeavors, but I occasionally talk about my personal life. I've been feeling unsafe ever since that happened.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and for being here!

[oak]

Oh Lee, you certainly aren't alone.

As far as you picking at your skin, I have posted here about pulling things from my skin:

http://mentalpod.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=7888

I have struggled with un-and underemployment, which I call "underearning":

http://mentalpod.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=61&t=8186


So, above all, you are not alone.
If I may offer some thoughts on your very interesting post!

First up, since you use the word "broad", I'll use it also. When I think of "broad" I think "brassy" and "survivor". Maybe the greatest broad of them all, Bette Midler, is still out there, being herself.

Humphrey Bogart and Frank Sinatra were of the zeitgeist that talked about broads and dames, and that is pretty good company.

As far as being old, IME in romance none of us stay young, but anyone can date "younger". That is, 61 is young to a 70 year old. Perspectives.

Tough love: In one sense your therapist fired you, and in another it became a crappy business transaction for her/him.

And oh yes: losing the job offer due to the google search: every job seekers nightmare!

Well, Lee, I don't have any advice for you. I do believe that people can walk back from that ledge (sometimes the literal ledge) financially, to a prosperous life. I've seen people do it.

There's something I like about your post.

[Herself]

Did they actually tell you that it was due to your blog?

[LeeLeeLee]

Yeah, Herself, they did. Actually, it was through an agency, and was only for a TEMP job! But yes, I had an interview scheduled and they canceled it.

And Oak - thanks so much for your comments! Yes, I am definitely underearning, but only because apparently no one will hire someone my age, even though I'm a really good employeee, have great skills, get along with people, etc. First of all, the insurance for an employer is about $800 a month for someone my age versus around $200 for a young person. It's just sooooo frustrating. I have tried so many things to get a job. And I can't live on minimum wage, plus I have bad knees and a bad back and bad feet, so can't stand all day.

I just don't know where to go, what to try next. My current temp thing will be ending in a week or so, and it seems my agency no longer wants to work with me.

Anyway, I will read your posts, Oak! And thanks again!

[Paul Gilmartin]

Big hug LeeLeeLee.

Glad you're here on the forum and sorry to hear you're struggling. But like Oak said, you are most definitely not alone.

Paul

[kitkat]

Welcome! I so feel for you, I want to yell at those people who cancelled your interview because of a blog! Honestly, that is completely unfair of them. On the other hand, their loss! I hope you can find an employer that will treat you right. You deserve it!

And I hope you can find a therapist that you can afford! I know there are a lot of links out there for low cost therapy.

Best of luck!

[LeeLeeLee]

Thank you so much, Paul and KitKat!

[Cinnamon]

Hi, LeeLeeLee; just seeing this.

I agree with Oak that "broad" since you used it, denotes a tough cookie who can handle a lot. Old? damn, have you seen Sophia Loren recently, did you see Julia Child in her prime at that age?
Age is nothing but a number if you bring energy and outlook and experience to the table.
the job market is tough and being depressed is tough and doing one while facing the other is more than a double whammy but...you are smart, hard working and creative

Finances:
well, in this online world, facebook and other social media have cost people interviews and job promotions and that is our reality. I have no idea what your blog pertains to but if you really are afraid of being homeless, i.e. your finances are against the wall, then take down the blog or write under a nom de plume. It may feel like a compromise and it is but most people compromise something for a paycheck and anonymity is not a high price to pay for being able to pay bills - including therapy etc.

My real concern for you? that you state you have mostly online friends and you run away or avoid situations....right now you need those real people more than any more online support
you need to get out and see/be with people daily who care - that is hardwired into us humans
and you need to get out and be with people because that is where our options and opportunities most often come from... from jobs, yes but also just new ways of seeing something...like maybe one of your creative endeavors could pay off somehow by giving you connections
being "inside" yourself will only make the depression issues worse....good luck

[ryeish]

I second the comment about the blog. Pick a name for it that doesn't tie you to it and make yourself anonymous. If you have FB and stuff never post anything that you'd not want an employer to see. I avoid political stuff and anything that might get them thinking "do we really want to hire this guy?"

61 is young!

[LeeLeeLee]

THanks for the comments, Cinnamon and ryeish!