feeling empty and pessimistic

[reni]

Hi,

I am not sure where to begin. I had a shitty childhood ( I could write an essay on that). I grew up in a abusive and chaotic household. I find it hard to talk about it because there are things I have suppressed; it feels like it almost didn't happen. at 20 I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm suppose to be happy because : my schooling is paid for, I get good grades etc. I feel bad for wasting money on school because im studying something I have no interest in; Im just going to school just to go. I am also completely useless. I feel like I have to pretend that I am happy and okay in front people. I dont feel like I can really talk about how I am feeling with other people; I think it would overwhelm them. I also feel isolated and disconnected from others; people dont understand me.

I really enjoy listening to the show because it is a place where people are honest about their feelings and struggles.

[oak]

Thanks for sharing reni.

[reni]

Thanks oak
Hopefully, I can connect with people here. I was having shitty day yesterday so that really influenced what I wrote.

[BartimusP]

Something I've learned: when you're going through your shit, you think no one around you is capable of understanding the problems you think are too overwhelming for everybody else but a lot of this stuff is universal. While you may have dealt with a chronic mental illness or abuse that whoever you're talking to hasn't personally experienced -- just by way of human experience, a lot of what you're feeling is universal (maybe not at the same level but...) and if you can manage to open up, most decent folks will be able to listen and relate to some extent. I find that it's very rare (in fact, I've never experienced it -- and I've become pretty open and willing to share about the dark shit) that a person will pull a Jerry Seinfeld and say something like, "Good luck with alllll that."

Anyway, best of luck to you. Keep fighting the good fight.

[reni]

Thanks Bartimus P