My life has been a hurricane

[Laces Up!]

Hi there! I'm a 43 year old woman. I've suffered from depression, anxiety and PTSD since I was a child. My brother and I were kidnapped by my mother at age 5 and taken to another state to live with a man who eventually died in prison for attempted manslaughter (which I witnessed at 5 years old.) She was a young mother who we now know suffers from a slew of mental illnesses which she self-medicated with meth and pain pills for years. After the kidnapping came a long line of abusive men my Mother would hook up with. Not a good recipe for an awesome childhood. My Dad was a raging alcoholic who cut himself off from us 20 years ago and has just recently tried to make amends.
I have been hospitalized once for depression. Until recently I can't remember a time in my life where depression wasn't the ruling force of my reality.
On top of the PTSD that was never addressed from my childhood I survived a category 5 hurricane while living in the Caribbean a few years ago. That experience compounded all of my mental health issues and sent me spiraling into years of numbing, denial and just trying to survive.
I had a second break-down a couple of years ago that I should have been hospitalized for but I had no idea I was crazy. I was in a pharmaceutical induced hypo-manic state for over 3 weeks after going off of Effexor WAY too quickly. This experience almost destroyed my entire life.
After the hypo-mania came the darkest, deepest depression of my life. I barely got out of bed for about 6 months. I had some minor brain damage from my experience of being improperly medicated. I guess that was my dark night of the soul.
Flash forward two years and I feel as though I am finally healing. I have made my mental health my number one priority and can honestly say that I am doing better than I ever have. I still struggle and I still take medication (low doses of wellbutrin and xanax).
In a weird way I've found some gratitude for my crazy. It forces me to eat right, exercise and nurture myself. Which is new to me.
The podcast has been such a huge part in my journey of healing. So grateful for all the brave souls who share their stories. And so grateful to Paul for the courage to put himself out there.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, Laces Up!, I am so glad you are spiritually in a better place. Your past put you through a lot of suffering that you didn't deserve. You rock!

All the best, cheers, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[jolly_green_giant]

Wow Laces that is quite the story. You must be an amazingly strong woman to have been through so much and still be able to have a positive outlook about the future.

"In a weird way I've found some gratitude for my crazy" - this is kind of inspirational to me. I find it true that when you've been to some bad places in your head, it just makes the good times even sweeter. Here's hoping good times lie ahead for you!

J.G.G.

[Cornflake Girl]

Wow. Your story touched me. You are a strong, amazing person to have come through that tunnel of pain. I am so happy to hear that you are healing and nurturing yourself. MANY, many hugs and positive energy coming your way. Peace be with you.