Shoulda been here long time ago...

[Jason_Howell]

Hey all; my name's Jason.

Struggled with alcohol abuse, depression, and social anxiety for most of my life.

I actually guest blogged for Mentalpod once way back in the day: http://mentalpod.com/archives/2410

Writing is really therapeutic for me, so if any of yall out there would like to connect over that (or anything else) just give me a holler.

Looking forward to participating in these forums finally, after semi-lurking for years.

[melalerve]

That's an awesome fantasy, by which I mean it seems like an awesome problem if the fantasy is that plausible.

I only just returned from the fantasy courthouse, where I was trying to defend myself after I had beat up my (likewise fantasy) girlfriend because she touched me from behind, triggering my PTSD. My biggest fear is not being heard or being flat-out ignored when I communicate "No, I do not want that."

Anyway, it seems that yours is probably a very wide-spread fear/fantasy-combo. There are tons of examples of such rescue-type scenarios in pop culture.

I guess what would make the fantasy unpalatable for me is its obviousness, and the seeking others' approval or validation.

In my fantasies, nobody is ever on my side, or admires me or "sees my noble truth" or anything like that. It's all hostile, I'm caught in Kafka's Castle, the whole world seems to have gone mad and my words are never enough to explain the quite simple logic of my thoughts and feelings to other people. My fantasy world is a farce, populated by mean-spirited assholes. Well, just like I perceive the real world.

So in comparing our respective fantasy types, I'd say yours is far healthier because at least you see a way to communicate your noble self to the outside world in some way, even if it's a drastic and far-fetched scenario.

I'm guessing from your fantasy that you had parents of the sort who were never satisfied and never gave you enough approval. Which must have sucked, big time. I never wanted to impress my parents, they don't even get to validate me. I want them to leave me the fuck alone and stop taking credit for my work. I actually just want them to die. I don't want "witnesses" for my noble character. And that's a bad thing, because if being part of living society doesn't give our lives any meaning, nothing ever will.

(Am I just using your post as an excuse to talk about myself? If so, sorry.)