Howdy from Texas

[Vividly]

Hi everyone. I am a 49-year-old female; I'm a lawyer (family law) in Texas; I have two sons, 23 and 21; I got married last month; and I have suffered to varying degrees from depression, anxiety, and ADHD since my early 30's.

I've had my share of struggles in adulthood and my depression has waxed and waned, largely dependent on the stress quotient at any given time - but I have always managed to bring it back under control with my psychiatrist and medication management. I was in denial about the severity and impact of my depression, anxiety and ADHD until about about two years ago when I had a complete breakdown and was forced to really look closely at my life and how to manage it. I quit practicing law 2 years ago, as I was just unable to function. I felt like a complete failure and loser and I blamed myself and hated myself. I was fortunate to have a supportive family of origin - my brother dragged me to my psychiatrist for weekly therapy, and he participated with me in order to understand my condition and learn how to be supportive and helpful. My parents and my brother set up a fund to pay all of my living expenses every month indefinitely.

Over the course of a year, I began to recover inch by inch. I did some deep soul searching, meditation, and taking stock and did a lot of work to identify my depression/anxiety triggers. I had to accept that I would always have to manage depression and anxiety, and I had to acknowledge that ADHD makes life harder ..but all of these things were manageable and I could have a quality life.

About that time, a former boyfriend contacted my out of the blue (had not spoken to him for 4 years), and I welcomed the social contact and really started living again. He is also a lawyer, and through him I started getting excited about practicing law again. I reactivated my law license about six months ago, and he and I formed a partnership. We got married last month.

My husband, Mr Vivdly, is the only person outside of my family and psychiatrist who I have been completely open and forthcoming about my mental illness and the struggles I've had. When I started telling him these things about me, I figured it would scare him off - but I couldn't hide who I am from an intimate love interest and best friend. To my surprise he was completely, 100% understanding and supportive. It is so incredibly fulfilling that he loves me and accepts me - the whole me - unconditionally. For the first time in my life, I feel it's ok to really be me and I feel valuable and lovable even with my flaws and difficulties.

I am in a pretty good place now, but I know I can't ignore my mental health. I've realized that I can't cope with the stress and anxiety of practicing law full time, so I have taken on a more advisory role in our law firm and we have structured the business so that I can practice part time for now. I still have bouts of anxiety, but I've got some tools to deal with it when it happens. And ADHD always presents daily challenges, but I accept this and do what I can to manage it with medication and mindfulness.

If this is as good as it gets - I'm ok with that.

[Fargin]

Welcome and thanks to an inspiring read.

If this is as good as it gets - I'm ok with that.

Right there with you, or at least I'm slowly getting there.

Compared to "Perfect," "Okay" is a much better place for me to be. Accepting my anxiety and other limitations was very difficult and I had to ram my head into the wall for a long time, before I understood, what a major difference acceptance was. We're not only our illnesses and flaws, but often it takes other people's perspective to see our better and brighter sides.

[ike]

Welcome. Keep us updated!