I'm trying to reach out and work through some stuff

[snoringdog]

Hello Onmyway,

Wow, that's a lot you're dealing with. Lots of nervous tension it sounds like, with depression to boot... Did this start just recently?

Anxiety attacks are awful (had 'em), so a full-blown panic attack must be a lot worse. And racing thoughts while trying to sleep, had those too. Sometimes I get up, turn on a light and start writing to quiet the head. Seeing things on paper sometimes makes them seem less agitating.

Feeling heavy/sluggish, feelings of sadness, and being overwhelmed by everything from small chores to existential thoughts - check, check, and check. (My frequent travelling companions )

Have you discussed any of this with your doctor? Maybe they can give you a referral for some help.

A couple of things I pulled together, that may be helpful-

I've been listening to this audio book on the commute. The author has been battling severe panic attacks since he was small. Has a successful literary career, but hard to imagine how he can cope..

My Age of Anxiety - Scott Stossel
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/177 ... of-anxiety

There's a thread on phone apps. A few years old, and I haven't checked the links , but check this path on the forum;
Board Index / Getting Help / Literature-Websites /Helpful Smartphone Apps

One app I tried for awhile is this one. Takes you thru a number of exercises for panic, intrusive thoughts, etc.

Pocket Coach phone app
https://www.pocketcoach.co/

And Beeny Boo posted this message and link. Your library or school may have a subscription -

This is a free app you can get through your public library anywhere in the English-speaking world. There are a lot of independent films, documentaries, college courses and a lot of resources around mental health issues. The films and documentaries are limited to four per month but the courses are unlimited to download. It’s free except for data usage and if your public library doesn’t have it you can ask them to get it.

https://www.kanopy.com
Mr B. Boo

Wishing you well, a little peace.. and a good night's sleep!

Snoringdog

[onmyway]

Thank you so much to both of you. I know it’s been a while. I haven’t had a panic attack since thankfully, and the depression-like symptoms come and go. I have good weeks and bad ones. Sometimes I don’t really know when everything started. Sometimes I think I may have been dealing with this when I was 13, because My sister passed away and I just wasn’t mentally mature enough to deal with it. (The general problems, not the things that happened before then) I sometimes think it just hung on in the background along with/ or amplified by grief. I may never be sure, and maybe I don’t need to be. I just want to work through it. It doesn’t need to disappear, but maybe just be a little more resolved. Thank you for the resources, that’s really helpful. As far as referrals from my doctor, I haven’t seen her in about two years because I don’t have health insurance and I just don’t have the money to spare for regular check ups etc. I know I need to figure that out. And thank you, it is comforting to know I’m not alone. It really can feel like it at times.