Participating isn't my thing, but I'd sure love to belong

[bigeekgirl]

I would love to have a forum friend (or a few) walking along with my on this crazy journey. I feel like I'm following Paul's lead in this. I don't know if I would have admitted how deep my problems run without the podcast.

As for brave, I let it go to a point where I have no choice. Maybe if I'd gotten into therapy a few years ago, I could have simply focused on cognitive behavioral stuff. Maybe not, but I feel like I should have handled business long ago.

I'd still rather not deal with it all. If I could go back to coping and denial, I so would. If I could forget what I've uncovered about my childhood, I would. If the consequences were not dire, I would leave it all buried. I would dutifully call my mother every other week, listen to her ramble with no basis in reality as other people see it and simply shut off my emotional reaction. It's weird how as I've gotten more stable in my life and built better relationships, I can't compartmentalize my emotions like I did all my life.

[bigeekgirl]

It is so weird to go back and read this stuff.
I'm still working on the mess that is me.
I've added meditation, therapy, an anti-depressant, and a support group to my tool kit.

[Spongey Cranium]

Oh fuck, I sound like your mom, who sounds like my mom.
My kid survived me, thank whoever. She loves you. Don't feel guilty. Be your awesome self freely.