new listener
Posted: January 21st, 2015, 4:39 pm
Hi! My name is Annie and I started listening to the Podcast a few weeks ago. I feel lucky to have found it. I actually look forward to my morning commute now, because I get to put on my headphones and feel lost in somebody's story. Even on my darkest, sleepiest mornings I smile when I hear a guest articulate something that I feel on the inside but haven't ever found the words to say.
I'm a 25 year old female. On the outside I appear to be a well-functioning, healthy, employed mental health professional. But what almost nobody knows is that I am mentally and physically addicted to pain pills (oxycodone). These pills have become a sort of devil for me, because even though they are ruining my life, nothing has ever made me feel so happy and peaceful as the high does. I throw an insane amount of money at drug dealers every week, and when they run out of supplies I get so sick that I can't get out of bed. I can deal with the flu-like symptoms of withdrawal, but what kills me is that when I'm withdrawing I have back-to-back, crushing panic attacks. In between these panic attacks I curse the pills, and curse myself, for getting me into this situation. I've been struggling with addiction for about 3 years now, but I actually was sober for 10 months last year with the help of my family, friends, and boyfriend. But this November I relapsed, and was too ashamed to tell anyone that I've done it again. The 1st time around, my parents were supportive and hopeful for me. The 2nd time around, I fear it will break my mother's heart.
I know that I can't quit these things alone, so I completed an intake at a drug treatment center. The intake counselor was the 1st person who I had told about the relapse, and it was cathartic and painful at the same time. I have an appointment on the 30th to be evaluated for Suboxone, an addiction drug that helped me get through the first weeks of withdrawal last time.
Some moments I have hope for myself and other moments I don't. But one thing I can say is that reading about other people's struggles on this blog helps me feel less alone. I really hope that one day I can come on this forum and tell a story about how I got sober and stayed sober. Thanks for listening.
I'm a 25 year old female. On the outside I appear to be a well-functioning, healthy, employed mental health professional. But what almost nobody knows is that I am mentally and physically addicted to pain pills (oxycodone). These pills have become a sort of devil for me, because even though they are ruining my life, nothing has ever made me feel so happy and peaceful as the high does. I throw an insane amount of money at drug dealers every week, and when they run out of supplies I get so sick that I can't get out of bed. I can deal with the flu-like symptoms of withdrawal, but what kills me is that when I'm withdrawing I have back-to-back, crushing panic attacks. In between these panic attacks I curse the pills, and curse myself, for getting me into this situation. I've been struggling with addiction for about 3 years now, but I actually was sober for 10 months last year with the help of my family, friends, and boyfriend. But this November I relapsed, and was too ashamed to tell anyone that I've done it again. The 1st time around, my parents were supportive and hopeful for me. The 2nd time around, I fear it will break my mother's heart.
I know that I can't quit these things alone, so I completed an intake at a drug treatment center. The intake counselor was the 1st person who I had told about the relapse, and it was cathartic and painful at the same time. I have an appointment on the 30th to be evaluated for Suboxone, an addiction drug that helped me get through the first weeks of withdrawal last time.
Some moments I have hope for myself and other moments I don't. But one thing I can say is that reading about other people's struggles on this blog helps me feel less alone. I really hope that one day I can come on this forum and tell a story about how I got sober and stayed sober. Thanks for listening.
