YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello friends,
Most weeks, Friday mornings are at the top of the list of what I look forward to...a new episode of Mental Illness Happy Hour. It has been this way for years now. (Maybe MIHH should be dropped on Sundays)

My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 60 years old. She is in assisted living due to her mental health and cognitive challenges. I am her medical power of attorney, and it seems, her everything else.

My husband of 20 years has borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and is addicted to multiple prescription medication (for pain and sleep). He is a veteran with multiple deployments and was emotionally and physically abused as a child. Thinking back, he showed borderline traits long before he ever deployed, so this time, I think the VA is not misdiagnosing.

My son is 15 years old and recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, but that was a "generous" diagnosis. I sense OCD and personality disorder in him. He is highly intelligent but failing school.

Me, I am the martyr ...but also faced panic disorder in my 20s and now in my 40s, am fueled by stress and "counseling" and supporting my loved ones it seems. I flirt with boundaries but don't maintain them. From listening to this podcast, I know there must be much more, but my focus is on others. My brain tells me that this approach does not work, is self-defeating, but I have not discovered what is driving it.

I suppose I am introducing and defining myself by labeling everyone around me. I guess that says a lot!

I love this podcast and community.

Hello almstlvnlf, welcome to our little forum! Make yourself at home in the threads and topics here.

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Please take care, you are not alone, keep the lines of communication open, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

Welcome! I know you called yourself a martyr but I think it would be hard for anyone in your situation to not feel that way to some degree. I'm new to the forum and fairly new to the podcast. My binge listening has been a great way to take the temp of my various aspects of self and history. One thing I'm finding is more minor trauma (oxymoron) that was dwarfed by the herd of elephants in my history is sitting there still needing some attention.

My mom is bipolar with a bunch of personality disorders so the podcast has also helped me to be more patient with her while being more patient with myself and whatever boundaries I need to set for my own mental health. Taking care of ourselves is the hardest job for us martyrs right?!

I hope you had something make you smile today. One happy moment on my end was when my 12 year old son wanted to keep a nostalgic stuffed animal while we were purging his room. It made me feel like he has happy memories and feels safe to be himself with no pressure to grow up or fear that keeping a "baby" toy would result in him being treated like one.

That is so sweet Andyland, that your son has a safe place to be himself! We are so lucky to have access to those moments with children. I had a very happy, moving moment Sunday. My 15-year-old has stopped all communication with friends (not responding to texts and calls) out of shame and embarrassment that his anxiety has impacted his grades and extracurricular activities. He is not yet ready to open up to any of them about what is going on. Yet on Sunday, a friend knocked on the door to deliver a care package, a shoebox decorated to be a unicorn. It was filled with all his favorite munchy foods and put together by all of his friends as a group. He was moved to tears, as was I. He realized what an impact he has on others, that they are there supporting him and waiting for when he is ready. I can't tell you all how inspiring it is that a group of teenagers can be so wise and supportive to someone who has shut them out. He is now responding to their texts and considering going to a get together that they are having. Unicorns are magical!

Oh my gosh that brought tears to MY eyes. I know the world isn't perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than it was when I was growing up. I'm so happy your son's friends did that for him. I hope it helps him face the stumbles a little easier. Anxiety breeds perfectionism and it's so difficult to be that way all the time. I'm a recovered perfectionist. Hugs to you and your son!

Wow...it must be hard for you to deal with your mom, husband, and your son struggling with mental challenges...I can understand why you would be a "martyr"...I'm sure you have the pressure to take care of everybody and to make sure that they are being taken care of... It's good that you acknowledge that putting others first isn't the best way to go...but I also understand that being objective and taking the necessary action doesn't go hand in hand...

I have terrible anxiety and I know it's because I bash myself, hate myself at the core, but I have no idea what to do about it...other than to try and accept myself...which doesn't have a high successful rate... It's a relief to come here so I don't have to feel all alone. Everybody can share their vulnerabilities without feeling like they have to act "normal" or fear being judged.