I'm not sure if this is a big issue or if it can become an issue. My therapist 99% of the time is quite excellent for me. In my last session though I told her I was going to take at least a year off from dating and she asked me why. I told her because of my panic attacks and general uncomfortable feelings. She was encouraging me to be more open and asked why I am not asked out that often. I have no idea why to be honest, but right now I have so much more on my plate that I can't see anything good about dating and she asked why I don't ask someone out... because I honestly need to be friends with someone before I would date them, I am scared that I don't trust the feelings of others for me, after all that happened to me. When I am asked out it is usually by men who are about 30 years older than me or homeless guys at the bus stop. She asked me about the older guys and that maybe I am closing myself off.. be that as it may if you are closer to my moms age or older, it's not going to happen. I don't have impossible standards but I do have some. We have different goals in life and I find different values too.
I was a bit turned off but I am wondering if she was trying to be encouraging or if she wasn't listening? Has anyone had a disagreement with a therapist and how did you handle it?
When you and your therapist disagree?
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QuirkyBallerina
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ladysquid
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Re: When you and your therapist disagree?
I would hope that your therapist would understand the nuances of dating enough to know it's easy for women to sense when men, especially older men, are just being perverted and gross and have no interest in getting to know any woman as a human being. I can see why she would make the suggestion to not close yourself off but maybe a discussion about how to cope in social situations might be better suited? So if you are out somewhere you can approach someone and feel comfortable enough to turn someone down if you're just not into them. I have social anxiety too and luckily haven't had to date in years (I took the cop-out route and met my girlfriend online) but I think just simply "getting out there" and building social skills has to be the first step before dating. I know how difficult it is to find appropriate help but from what you shared it sounds like she's giving you really easy answers without addressing your anxiety first.
The only time I disagreed with my therapist so far is when she suggested I ask my psychiatrist for klonopin or xanax when I said I was concerned about my drinking. She even said those medications act in the same receptors as alcohol. I just got done telling her how I have addictive tendencies and I know how powerful those drugs are. I told her that I know myself and I would probably still drink while on them so I wasn't going to ask for them. I think next session I'm going to ask more about how I can self-soothe in a healthy way but I was a little concerned with her suggesting those meds.
The only time I disagreed with my therapist so far is when she suggested I ask my psychiatrist for klonopin or xanax when I said I was concerned about my drinking. She even said those medications act in the same receptors as alcohol. I just got done telling her how I have addictive tendencies and I know how powerful those drugs are. I told her that I know myself and I would probably still drink while on them so I wasn't going to ask for them. I think next session I'm going to ask more about how I can self-soothe in a healthy way but I was a little concerned with her suggesting those meds.
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QuirkyBallerina
- Posts: 22
- Joined: January 13th, 2015, 7:21 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive thinking, Anorexia/Bulimia
- preferred pronoun: She
Re: When you and your therapist disagree?
I have to agree, I may give her another chance and stress more of my anxiety I'm feeling... it feels complex, in one way I'm afraid I will like them and then set myself up for a breakup, and I am also afraid I will compare them to me ex, who I just can't shake but I don't think I can get over ex until I meet someone I can connect with, then I freak out.
The older guys too... I may not have imparted HOW inappropriate they were. 5 pages of song lyrics, telling me no one else was better for me than him and how I was too stupid to see and we both come from abuse so we belong together... I actually don't come from abuse. WASPY perhaps and a dad with a temper but I call that a NYC Italian family, we have tempers. He came from a home of alcoholics, bipolar disorders, constant beatings... I also had a boyfriend then and he knew it and it was my ex who I loved.
Drinking is a big thing when it comes to medicine! Therapists may be professional but there are some things we know about ourselves that they really can't argue about!
The older guys too... I may not have imparted HOW inappropriate they were. 5 pages of song lyrics, telling me no one else was better for me than him and how I was too stupid to see and we both come from abuse so we belong together... I actually don't come from abuse. WASPY perhaps and a dad with a temper but I call that a NYC Italian family, we have tempers. He came from a home of alcoholics, bipolar disorders, constant beatings... I also had a boyfriend then and he knew it and it was my ex who I loved.
Drinking is a big thing when it comes to medicine! Therapists may be professional but there are some things we know about ourselves that they really can't argue about!