So glad I found this podcast!
Posted: April 1st, 2015, 10:24 am
Just found this podcast. So, I started from the beginning (of course I did, OCD.) I am up to # 32. It was, strangely, relaxing to listen to people being so open with their pain. I connected with each guest and would really feel touched by a comment or a story. Yes, I am not alone. (Paul, you did good.)
This isn't a "contest" on whose pain is the worst, but I would just like to share where I am coming from. Imagine a Disney fairy tale house on the outside and then, once the children enter, it's the HellRaiser movie with the parents suddenly revealing their sharp pointed teeth. That was how it felt growing up in my family.
Where to begin? Spin the wheel on any topic and I can probably share an event or events. An alcoholic father that beat us. A mother that was living in her own selfish world of legally prescribed narcotics, alternating between a life sucking neediness and cruel neglect. Never feeling safe or taken care of, never feeling love or, later, feeling worthy of love. Being sexually molested by a relative and made to feel as if I caused it to happen. Out of 4 children, my sister died from a heroin overdose, one brother is an alcoholic, the other brother is an alcoholic and is severely mentally ill, to the point that he now lives in a group home. Everyone in my family tells me that I came out "normal", no I survived. No, I tell them, I am so fucked up. One day I hope that I can feel happy, just really feel that and know what it's like.
The only reason I shared so much is that when people say, "I feel your pain", they are usually full of shit. But when Paul, or one of his guests (or one of you) says it, I would believe it and ....back atcha.
P.S. My biggest fear, right now? That I screwed up registering and my email address is going to show instead of the username. Ahhhh, a new one for my list.
This isn't a "contest" on whose pain is the worst, but I would just like to share where I am coming from. Imagine a Disney fairy tale house on the outside and then, once the children enter, it's the HellRaiser movie with the parents suddenly revealing their sharp pointed teeth. That was how it felt growing up in my family.
Where to begin? Spin the wheel on any topic and I can probably share an event or events. An alcoholic father that beat us. A mother that was living in her own selfish world of legally prescribed narcotics, alternating between a life sucking neediness and cruel neglect. Never feeling safe or taken care of, never feeling love or, later, feeling worthy of love. Being sexually molested by a relative and made to feel as if I caused it to happen. Out of 4 children, my sister died from a heroin overdose, one brother is an alcoholic, the other brother is an alcoholic and is severely mentally ill, to the point that he now lives in a group home. Everyone in my family tells me that I came out "normal", no I survived. No, I tell them, I am so fucked up. One day I hope that I can feel happy, just really feel that and know what it's like.
The only reason I shared so much is that when people say, "I feel your pain", they are usually full of shit. But when Paul, or one of his guests (or one of you) says it, I would believe it and ....back atcha.
P.S. My biggest fear, right now? That I screwed up registering and my email address is going to show instead of the username. Ahhhh, a new one for my list.
