YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

hi, I'm Artephius, I've listened to the podcast since the beginning and been to the live group taping session in Toronto (last year?)

I feel like my memory is beginning to fail.
I feel like my addictions will always win.
I feel disappointed in the world and in myself.
I feel like I need hope but I can't find it anywhere.
I feel like talking about my issues is not giving me anything but more anxiety.

I feel these things every day.

I started talking to a new therapist last week and I feel like we made an instant connection in our first session.
I see him again this Weds.

Just trying to get through my work day now.

Hello artephius, welcome to our little forum. So glad you are already making yourself at home in the threads and topics here.

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Congratulations on loving yourself enough to take a chance on a new therapist.

All the best to you, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.

I feel like my brain is beginning to fail, too... Neuroscience says that our brain shrinks (hippocampus, where our memories are stored), and our blood flow to our brain starts to decline when we are depressed... That's why exercise is as good as meds because it pumps blood and oxygen up there. But when you are depressed, it's really hard to exercise...

I don't know what kind of addiction you have, but my addiction is negative thinking and depression... It is so strong that I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes... I feel so weak...

It seems like this world is a cold and cruel place. But I'm starting to recognize that maybe my perception is negative. Maybe my depression is making it seem like it is a much more cruel world than it really is. Yesterday, I had an incident where I thought this person was heartless. I had a full blown panic attack. I'm still very anxious today. But I know in my mind that I took way too harshly because of my depression. I'm overly sensitive and take everything personal. I feel like others are out to get me. So I'm a wreck today. But I do want to keep working and fighting for myself.

Hope is something that is very difficult for me as well. When I think about the future, I lose hope. I'm going to end up alone at the end of life and suffer from some kind of disease all by myself...I get panic attacks from thinking about these things. But I try and take it one day at a time. The fact that I can be here for myself more and more each day gives me some hope. I've been neglecting myself all throughout my life--that's why I have all sorts of mental issues. And I can attempt to turn it around, only I can do the work for myself.

I'm glad you are talking to a wonderful therapist.