YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi MIHH family!
I'm new to the forum so here's my intro
I have suffered from depression and abandonment issues for almost my entire 37 years of living. I have been in and out of therapy since the age of 16. I saw a psychiatrist for the first time recently and was diagnosed with Complex PTSD & Major/Severe recurrent depressive disorder. I grew up in a military family so I traveled most of my life. Living in each city only 3-4 years before having to move again. To this day I still have a problem unpacking boxes when I move. I figure what's the point?
Along with the instability I experienced periods of abandonment. Left with family members or babysitters when I needed my parents but they were away working or partying. Around kindergarten I figured out that food was always there no matter where I lived or who I was with. That was also the same age that my first episode of sexual abuse happened. So I believe my binge eating disorder started then. I'm divorced with no children and unable to have stable relationships (friendships and intimate) due to my severe trust issues.
Basically, my life is filled with fun times! So I hope to meet some of you that suffer from similar issues. Now that I have an official diagnosis and have had my meds corrected I have hope that I can get through the sludge and get past the past.

Hi,
Just a quick hello to welcome you to MIHH. Saw your other post re: Complex PTSD and plan to post response to that (am at work now and just allowing myself a quick moment on this board). I'm new to the concept and finding it helpful and have found a couple of good resources. Just wanted to say hi tho' right now and welcome!!!

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This sounds familiar. My family also frequently moved, and I know the feeling of never getting to feel truly at home anywhere. I always envied people who grew up living in the same city and same house throughout their childhood and youth.

C-PTSD also rings a bell, although I've never been officially diagnosed with anything. I suppose "you're just lazy" doesn't count even though my parents are both therapists...

The trust issues I can fully relate to. I always feel sorta trapped in Kafka's Castle, were everything looms threateningly, nobody is on my side, and I can't even communicate reality to the grotesque clowns that make up humanity in my perception.

You know that guy who exists in every classroom on earth who thinks it's just hi-la-ri-ous to startle others for fun? That dude is mankind in a nutshell.

I haven't been outright sexually abused, although some-stuff-happened and also there was quite a bit of emotional abuse from both my parents. I actually was in an LTR for more than five years, but that ended almost five years ago and ever since then I've haven't been able to even talk to any woman again. I've also never been medicated, except for terabytes of internet porn, years of waking and baking on weed, about a gallon of coffee per day, and a tremendously powerful nicotine addiction.

I've always struggled with the idea of sharing with others who may have had somewhat similar experiences. I always think "what's the point, it won't change my past, or my present situation on bit." Then again, I'm posting here now, so...

I am sorry you have been suffering with abandonment issues...I have those fears myself and get panic attacks often... I think it is fairly common to turn to food for emotional comfort. I've had a terrible panic attack yesterday and still have severe anxiety right now. So I got up in the morning, made myself a huge plate of pasta, and a couple of hours later, I've just made an order for fast food delivery. So I am in the middle of binging as we speak.

I am so sorry that on top of your abandonment issues, your sexual abuse started to happen... Having trust issues is completely normal given what you went through... I hope you can find help whether it be with a therapist, here, etc. In spite of it all, you seem like an upbeat and fun person