YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello everyone, I struggle to like myself all the time, I always feel awkward around social places, this is hard for me because at school I'm an outcast. I'm a people pleaser so for me rejection hits me harder, I wonder what is it about myself that is reason to leave me out or snub me. What is wrong with me? It hurts me deeply and puts me into depression. I'm anxious to attend because I know the feeling of rejection hurts me. Sometimes I wish I could go away because I'm such a victim. It's hard to like myself. I wish I was a different person, more charismatic, more open. I know I hide my feelings because I'm afraid of opening up to people, I've been victimized since I was a child. It keeps following me, I don't know why I'm an easy target, that's what is attracted to me. For these reasons I hate myself. I wish I was stronger.

Yeah when you struggle to like yourself, you tend to be awkward with other people... I struggled with not liking myself, too. I'm still awkward with other people and have social anxieties. It must be hard being at school where you have to show up every day and popularity is so important. But once you start working, things will change. I think getting a good education now and focusing on school work is important to your mental health as well. I used to spend a lot of time in the library because there, no one is allowed to talk and socialize. It's good to focus on your career starting now. I don't know if you are in high school, but in college, it gets better because there are so many students there and you can just do your own thing. No one is going to keep a close eye on you to see if you are socializing or not. And once you get into a good career, just focus on that. People who focus on office gossips and make cliques at work will not get promoted. Just focus on your future and that's how you can make a lot of money and gain personal power.

I know it seems like being popular is very important at school, but trust me, it's not. It's frankly a waste of time trying to climb the popularity ladder and some people do it for the rest of their lives instead of focusing on what they really want to do with their lives. I look back and see how many years I've wasted trying to establish my social status and it gave me a huge amount of stress and depression. Sure, the ego loves it, but that's about it. Nothing real comes out of it, like a fulfilling career and personal power. I hope you can start to focus on the real things in life and what you want to do in the future.

The outcasts in high schools are the ones that rule the world in the future (i.e., Bill Gates of the world). Focus on yourself. Good luck.

I often feel the same way... I actually go back and forth between liking myself and wondering why no one else does, and not liking myself because it feels like no one else does.

I would just say work on it. Get help. Find friends who appreciate you and make sure that you feel appreciated. I know it's easier said than done. When I was dealing with more intense social anxiety than I have now, I would try to take it slow and every day do something I wouldn't normally do. Compliment somebody on their jewelry, etc., try and make small talk with a cashier. And then afterwards I would tell myself that it went well, even if I felt a little awkward about it. It doesn't solve everything, but I feel like it's helped me make progress.

Sorry if that's not helpful, or if you didn't want advice. You're not alone though, and I hope you know that. {hug}

Thank you both, I'm in a bad place right now in my life and I'm appreciative of your kind words. I often feel very lost in my own thoughts. At my age I know I shouldn't dwell on how people think and why they don't like me but it really hurts and invades my mind. Stressing throws me off my normal patterns, I keep telling myself today is today and I'm still living, I think that's supposed to help

msanchez80,
I really feel for you and the struggle you're going through in school. So many high school and college students feel the same way, even though you can't always tell just by looking at how they appear or act in public. Shortly before I read your post I was listening to the podcast called Dear Sugar Radio, and there was a whole episode with letters from young people and advice from the hosts dealing with similar topics to yours. You might try giving it a listen, it's free. You're really not alone and there are people who would understand and want to connect with you. It can just take a while to find them sometimes. I may have already posted this before on the forum, but to go along with what Murphy said, it has helped me to try to look at every social effort I make, no matter how small, as a success even if it doesn't go the way I hoped. So if you say hello to someone new, and they say hello back, that's a success. If they don't say hello back, that's ok. Try to give yourself a pat on the back just for trying. And if there is any kind of counseling or support group available at your school or in your area, keep trying to find one that is a good fit for you, and don't give up. Sending you a big hug,

rivergirl

p.s. msanchez80, I didn't mean to suggest I know exactly what you're going through, or that anyone else does. I can just say that I've experienced the feeling of being isolated in school when surrounded by thousands of people, thinking I'm the only one struggling, and then later finding out that wasn't the case at all. You don't have to take advice from me or any podcast, just take what is helpful if anything. It's so hard to reach out at times, and I still struggle with that sometimes as an adult, but it seems like whenever I do, things will gradually start to get better. You're not wrong or broken, and you deserve to feel better. Take care,

rivergirl