YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hey everyone, I'm a recent listener and decided to join the forums to hopefully open up about some of my issues and talk to others about theirs. What made me sign up is my most recent run in with depression and loneliness. I recently went on my first date in nearly a decade. Everything went well we went to a yoga class got a bite to eat afterward and the conversation was good. However now instead of feeling happy I finally got out and did something. I feel more alone and depressed than I have in a long time. I have many other dysfunctions including social anxiety, and a sexual fetish that has kept me from opening up to anyone and remain a virgin at 30. I've never really opened up to anyone and hope this can be a place to put some things out in the open in a safe environment. Thanks for being here and I look forward to finally opening up.

Welcome!

It can be hard to get out of your comfort zone and do something new. I'm married now, but before that, I used to freak the fuck out at anything romantic. I mean, I wanted it, but it always made me nervous as hell. So you're not alone.

Thanks Murph, I've been in my shell for far too long and I'm starting to run out of air so I think its leap of faith time. I went on another date with a woman from Tinder last night and it went great. When we were walking to the car I started shaking like a chihuahua with a mix of being somewhat cool outside and knowing she may expect a kiss before we parted ways. I just dove in and went for it and it and my anxiety melted away seconds after we kissed. After nearly 10 years of no intimate human contact its a step in the right direction.

Hi

Oh my gosh, I know the feeling of being more lonely after you were out with people (or while you are out with them). It's the worst feeling and I would rather be alone than to be with another person and feel lonely. I have terrible social anxieties as well. For me, it's the afterthought that drives me crazy. I could be having a good time and then when I come home, I would analyze everything I said and get insecure about what others thought of me. I think I'm a deeply insecure person and maybe that comes from not fitting in when I was a kid. Deep down I think of myself as a weird loser so even if I don't show that now that I'm an adult, that deep insecurity comes up every now and then.

I'm glad you are starting to open up and this is a safe place to do so. This is the only place that I can truly let everything hang out and it's so therapeutic. When you have depression, you tend to be ashamed of your thoughts and know that you will be judged for them. So you hold everything in and it just gets worse. When I have severe anxiety attacks and nothing helps, I come here and write my heart out and read other people's posts. It's the only thing that calms me down and makes me feel less alone.

it's the afterthought that drives me crazy. I could be having a good time and then when I come home, I would analyze everything I said and get insecure about what others thought of me. I think I'm a deeply insecure person and maybe that comes from not fitting in when I was a kid. Deep down I think of myself as a weird loser so even if I don't show that now that I'm an adult, that deep insecurity comes up every now and then.

I think as long as I dislike myself, whenever I analyze what I've done and said, I feel have to reach a conclusion that supports my poor self image.

The more fun I've had, the more I feel like, I must have done something wrong and stupid. I had so much fun, I forgot to worry about turning every word in my head, so I lost control and therefor everyone must dislike me now. I had a therapist tell me, that when I forgot myself, my worries and anxiety, that was the person she liked the most. Shit.