YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello Everyone,

A few months ago, I started listening to podcasts. I stumbled upon this one through a Reddit suggestion. I have a 40 minute commute to and from work, so Paul and friends make that drive not only quick but enjoyable. I used to be someone who had a terrible problem with road rage but I find I don't become quite so temperamental when I'm concentrating on something other than my own need to arrive as quickly as possible. Which isn't even a need, it's simply my ego telling me I'M the most important person on the road and all of these PEOPLE need to make way for ME.

I always hear Paul talk about the great community you all have here. From my first impressions of this place it seems like something I want to be a part of. I love the interface and after reading a few of the posts you all seem like perfectly wonderful people.

My summarized story: Born in North Carolina, parents divorced at a young age. Never been physically abused but my parents are both pretty narcissistic and I did bear the brunt of some emotional abuse which led to a lot of anxiety and depression. Put on anti depressants and therapy around the age of 12, subsequently diagnosed with clinical depression at that time. My mother is very concerned with appearances, leading to intense body image issues for me. My father has a short temper and passed down all of his anger issues to me. Gained a lot of weight in college and self medicated with lots of weed and alcohol. Experimented with psychedelics on numerous occasions. Had an abortion in college when the asshole I was screwing took off his condom without my knowledge. Went to college for an Art degree, never used it for anything and have worked pointless, dead end jobs my entire life. Incredibly insecure about my past mistakes and fearful of the future ones before they even happen. Hospitalized for a suicide attempt and the hospitalization was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Diagnosed Bipolar II while in treatment. Re calibrated meds and found a suitable concoction of Lamictal and Pristiq. Was fortunate enough to meet a kind and thoughtful man who loves me for who I am. Moved to Florida with him this year and still working on finding myself.

Whew, long story short, I've been through some tough times and some good times. I am happy to find a place out there for people like me.

Why do I feel like a loser for having 18 views and o replies after less than a day of posting? Rereading my post like oh geeze did I come off too strong, was I off putting, where did I go wrong? I can't even handle making myself vulnerable. I know it's ridiculous yet I continue to question myself for opening up on some obscure internet message board that no one I know will ever read. I hate my giant ego.

I went through something similar with my first post, no one answered as fast as I wanted, so I kept re-reading my post, searching for flaws and ended up deleting it, because I though it wasn't good enough. I like this forum a lot, but it's not as fast paced and busy as other places. So you kind of have to go with the ebbs and flows, which can be a little nerve wrecking. It's a bit like getting the courage speaking up in front of a group of people and no one saying anything. I kind of treat my posts a bit like blog posts, I put it out there and then I get a chance to work on my impatience.

Anyways hello and welcome to the show, I think it's so motivating hearing about people's journeys to the darkest places, but to also hear that there's still light in their lives.

its a small site .
actual replies considering the vastness of cyberspace - well considering what it costs , i will settle for whatever i can get .
that serenity prayer comes to mind

Hi Chopper. :3

Glad to have you hear.

Hello! As someone who also has issues with overthinking and doubting and a touch of egoism, I welcome you Reading your initial post and follow up made me laugh to myself because it seriously read like the inner monologue that runs through my head. Did I do this right? Why is no one responding? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with THEM? Sending a hug your way