The Tractors were right

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TinaFeyTurnsMeOn
Posts: 2
Joined: June 10th, 2016, 5:29 am
Gender: Male
Issues: Anxiety, Depression, ADD, existential simmering rage

The Tractors were right

Post by TinaFeyTurnsMeOn »

Howdy,
Been listening to the podcast for about a year and a half. Took me that long to go from Episode 1 to almost the most recent (I'm 2 weeks behind but will be caught up by next week, I'm sure.)

My subject title refers to the song "Everything is Falling Apart."
Listening to that song is like being inside my head and looking at my life. Everything has been unraveling since I started getting persecuted by an administrator almost 8 years ago now. I transferred to a number of new schools after that, unfortunately each one was a middle school that was run poorly. About 3 years ago, the higher-ups finally succeeded in pushing me out the door and I haven't had a full-time job with a decent salary and benefits since then. I've gone from over $60k to under $20k and the bills are getting further behind, home maintenance is getting neglected, my car is slowly breaking down and my relationship with my wife has begun to really get bad.

The persecution really pushed my native depression from mild to severe and kicked in an anxiety disorder that began to affect me physically.

Mentally, I'm finally in the best place I've been in 8 years, yet the household income has given my wife anxiety and depression, and I totally feel the blame for that. The major issues I need to deal with are my rage. I have serious anger towards those administrators and if I ever were to encounter them somewhere quiet, private and alone, the consequences would be dire. I would never actively look for any of them, and have no intention of trying to find any of them, but if serendipity were to put one of them in the same lonely backwoods as me by pure coincidence... let's just say my imagination includes piston-like punching.

While all my problems won't go away if/when I do finally get an adult job again, the pressure will ease so very very much that it will feel that way.
I might even be able to work past my anger.
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