Hi hi all

[Biogirlie]

'm new to the forum and podcast, having been listenng to it at work for about 2 weeks now. It's really nice to hear the stories and surveys and feel less alone and more hopeful about being able to manage my own shit. It's also kinda forced me to acknowledge some of my shit. I'm a recent college grad living in my college town and working and applying to grad school. I've been depressed on and off since middle school, but in the last year or so, mostly on. I've also suffered from panic attacks and pretty bad anxiety for about as long. The panic attacks actually took a hiatus for a few years,but it's back! >_> mom has untreated bipolar disorder and an eating disorder that presented itself with an addiction to diet pills and obsessive excercise. That's probably helpful in explaining why I have pretty bad body dysmorphia and kinda strange unhealthy eating habits. Doing my best to be productive and functional, but I'm so tired of constantly trying to hide the crazy and lately it's been leaking out andI cry all the time and have panic attacks. I've never seen a therapist, the closest my insurance would cover is an hour away and I don't talk about this stuff with anyone because it makes me really anxious and if people knew they might feel uncomfortable or judge me. I'm the type of girl to crack jokes when my mom texts me that I'm the messiah and then gets involuntarily committed to a psych ward or when I've only had a bag of popcorn to eat all day and I'm drinking 4-5 cups of tea to keep myself from eating. I feel very alone and afraid that my friends or family would call me a drama queen or decide I'm too much trouble to be dealt with. Some of my family doesn't believe in therapy or mental illness and I'm pretty sure they would judge me. I'm trying really hard to be perfect, but I'm falling very short of that. So I'm just hoping to leak some of the crazy here and feel less alone.

[Imissmysun]

Oh hun it sounds like your mum is bipolar - and that you have a lot on your plate - and people do minimalize mental health issues and it sucks because your friends are basically unintentionally gas lighting you - telling you that your making up your pain -

That of course is simply not true and you have had a tough haul - maybe you could look at low cost therapy that would be a little closer - that seems a little less crazy making than trying to find a ride or drive an hour away (however if that is your only option it is better than nothing - honestly an hour drive for some self introspection - compassion and validation of experience is not a lot - it will be worth it to get that healthy perspective)

I do not think that you are over dramatic, I do not think you are making things bigger than they are, I do think that you have a huge overwhelm to deal with and that you cannot take it all on by yourself - journal here - talk to us all - I do it and I have found it beyond helpful

Welcome to the forum!

[solo_in_the_big_city]

You don't sound crazy at all to me. I went into a full-on psycho stress depression anxiety freakout after college. That's a hard transition, to say the least. It won't last forever.

I second the recommendation of seeking out at therapist. It's great to have someone listen to you and be in your corner.