YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm just gonna ramble here, I kind of need to do that at the moment.

I'm 22, I'm an atheist I live in Buffalo, I'm a college drop out, I'm from divorced parents, I have an overactive sex drive, I have not had many sexual partners (~2), I was on meds as a kid, I smoke pot and am cool with that and I like to drink and think I may be developing a drinking problem, I usually only eat one meal/day, I am constantly getting involved in my friends' personal business even though I actively try to keep myself from getting involved, I have a girlfriend who I have completely fallen for and who has been nothing but good for me and has become my best friend and who has made me a better person and most of all like myself, and she went out of the country to visit her family and suddenly for unexpected and infuriating circumstances will not be back until next year, and the hit that this has had on me has caused me to question everything, also I'm very poor but just got a second job.

So I wanted to write one sentence that described me and that came out. I don't know what's going on, I feel like things get good for a while and then they get bad, and then they settle and some things get good, but the more life you live the more bad things linger and the worse the world gets and the better the good things are and the more it hurts when you lose them. I think it's just part of the universe approaching heat death.

Despite all of this, I don't think I'm depressed and I do think of myself as an optimist, but just right now, possibly losing this girl, I don't think I've ever felt this horrible.

TL;DR: I'm fighting depression to the death

Zach,
Welcome! Most of us have a hard time thinking we might be depressed, because its our normal. I'm not saying you are, but if anxiety is having a profoundly negative effect on your life, professional help might be worth looking into. To me, when I'm feeling healthy and I know my depression is under control, is when there are setbacks in my life and I can roll with them and not obsess or get into doom and gloom. Sometimes depression expresses itself, not by feeling sad, but by feeling overwhelmed by our feelings. At least that's my take on it. Either way I want to welcome you.

Paul

Hi Zach,

Cycles of depression are difficult. When I get depressed I can't muster the strength to get the help I need. When I come out of that cycle I believe I don't need the help anymore. I've learned that when your in the 'feeling good' cycle it's a good time to seek out the help because then it's there when the depression returns.

Just a thought about alcohol and marijuana. I would be last one to begrudge anyone their vices but I'm 46 and I grew up in a culture of heavy alcohol use. My parents weren't alcoholics or anything but, they drank a lot of wine. In high-school all my buddies and I partied, a lot. I cut down on my drinking a lot in my mid-twenties; my friends didn't. Most of them are full-fledged alcoholics now. I limited my drinking to the weekends for years until I noticed that I would become depressed the day after and then for two days after and then I spent all week being depressed until I drank again the next weekend. Alcohol is a depressant. No judgement here but try not to let it get out of hand. If you're in a vulnerable place it sure can't be helping. When I was your age I adopted a good rule for drinking. When I felt like I needed a drinking as oppose to wanting a drink, that's when I wouldn't drink. Pots fine though; fill your boots. Just my opinion.