Kind of hate my family
Posted: August 21st, 2018, 11:26 am
Hi Everyone,
I started trauma based counselling 10 months ago after yet another family gathering where everyone acted like they didn't care about each other. It was a wedding that barely dared to mention the word love, and there was little affection between the bride and groom even! I looked around and thought This is Fucked! I have little contact with my family now and I'm so relieved now that I've stopped hoping they will be different and being crushed over and over when they showed they didn't care about me.
I can't talk to many about this because people don't understand how deep the lack of caring and hurt goes. They always minimize with sayings like "well, you know how busy moms get!" (in regards to never feeling any affection or interest from my mom, ever), "my brother and I aren't close either" (when I mention that my siblings never email me back) or just "some families don't show affection".
Now that I've opened Pandora's Box (my subconscious) through counselling, there also seems to be some sexual abuse. So those that can't even be happy to see me were able to violate me in the most intimate way. Fuckers.
I feel like I've come through so much, but there still seems to be mountains to climb. Good days and sad days. I'm thankful for everyone who shares and Paul's dark humour which makes me laugh at the most horrible things. How else will I get through this.
Thanks to anyone who's listening.
Heather
I started trauma based counselling 10 months ago after yet another family gathering where everyone acted like they didn't care about each other. It was a wedding that barely dared to mention the word love, and there was little affection between the bride and groom even! I looked around and thought This is Fucked! I have little contact with my family now and I'm so relieved now that I've stopped hoping they will be different and being crushed over and over when they showed they didn't care about me.
I can't talk to many about this because people don't understand how deep the lack of caring and hurt goes. They always minimize with sayings like "well, you know how busy moms get!" (in regards to never feeling any affection or interest from my mom, ever), "my brother and I aren't close either" (when I mention that my siblings never email me back) or just "some families don't show affection".
Now that I've opened Pandora's Box (my subconscious) through counselling, there also seems to be some sexual abuse. So those that can't even be happy to see me were able to violate me in the most intimate way. Fuckers.
I feel like I've come through so much, but there still seems to be mountains to climb. Good days and sad days. I'm thankful for everyone who shares and Paul's dark humour which makes me laugh at the most horrible things. How else will I get through this.
Thanks to anyone who's listening.
Heather