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just a little Hello from me

Posted: November 24th, 2019, 1:47 pm
by Werewolf
Hey there :)

I registered here a few days ago after I filled out my first podcast surveys, but I have felt kinda shy about posting anything in the forum. Well, I guess I'll just do it now. Here I am.
I was born in 1995 and I still feel way to young to be considered an adult. I'm not good at adulting, really. I study classical philology (Latin and Ancient Greek) and comparative literature at university and I live with my partner and the dog we took over from my mum. I like eating and working out. I have good days and bad weeks. I enjoy being creative, but I rarely let myself do something like that. I'm working on being kinder to myself though.

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since my childhood, but only half a year ago I decided to finally seek help and go to therapy. I am so damn lucky to live in a country where therapy costs are covered by health insurance. (That said, I'm from Germany and therefore not a native English speaker, but I'm doing my best to not make too many grammar/spelling mistakes. Yeah and maybe one day I'll stop proofreading everything I post countless times.)
As I am slowly beginning to live more of the life I want for myself, trying to discover my authentic self that has been buried underneath other people's expectations for so many years, another struggle found its way into my head. Or maybe I should put it this way: A struggle that has always been there has become really prominent in my thinking, to a point where I just cannot ignore it anymore.
I'm AFAB but I have never felt like a girl, like a woman or anything in the binary really. Writing this already feels dangerous to me, as if I should find solid proof first, as if I should make sure what I say makes sense before putting it out in the world. But I am trying to listen to the part of my soul that has not yet been subdued by the harsh and critical voice in my head that has been my guide for my whole life. I'm so tired of people pleasing. I'm sick of not being true to myself. But it is so fucking scary.
I might be posting about this topic in the future if I feel comfortable enough.

But that's it for now.

Oh and thanks, snoringdog, for welcoming me. I could not answer via private message, but maybe you'll read this. That was really nice :)

Werewolf

Re: just a little Hello from me

Posted: November 25th, 2019, 8:08 pm
by snoringdog
Hello WW,

Welcome Welcome. I think you're lying about being German, your writing is excellent!

And rest assured that many of us obsess over posting, and I've had a knot in my stomach and looked for a Retract button once or twice. Also looked at older posts and thought I coulda done better.. :? :oops:

Glad you're getting help BTW.

About the identity issue, even within the confines of the "official" male and female categories there's a pretty wide spectrum of thoughts and behaviors, right? (with labels like Girly-girl, Macho-man, etc)

I've never questioned my sexual orientation, but my orientation in general... Still kinda wondering who I am and what I want, and where I fit in this world.
Sounds a bit dramatic maybe, but there's always a bit of self doubt.... sigh...

Be well ;)

SD

Re: just a little Hello from me

Posted: November 27th, 2019, 5:03 pm
by brownblob
welcome werewolf. Your English is good. Good luck on your journey to find yourself.
I stress anytime I post that I don't know how to say what I mean. I have deleted so many posts that I have started to write.