YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Been listening to these podcasts. Having a rough time. Trying to manage depression and anxiety since I was a kid. Always feel like I'm barely hanging on, like I'm always about to f*k up my job, like I'm always about to f*k up my relationship--though I think it doesn't appear that way to others. It would help to be accountable to others, but people who don't know what it's like to be depressed are not able to connect and people who do know what it's like to be depressed are often unstable and unreliable. Always almost broke. Always almost crying. Sometimes always crying. I need some peace, some relief. Nothing helps. The only thing I haven't tried is group therapy. I'm hesitant to do that because I think that will keep me sick instead of moving forward. But I'm not moving forward, I'm just getting older and making the same bad choices over and over again. I've been in some version of the same spot since I was a teenager, 20 years ago. I have had, at times, such a positive vision of where I could go, but it's all fantasy, all fiction.

Welcome. I wanted to post here just to kind of let you know that someone is reading what you've posted. I know when I'm on forums like this, I hate when I put something out there an get no response.

I can't give you any great advice, but I can relate a little bit at least. I understand always feeling like you're just treading water, just barely holding it together and ready to slip under at any moment, with just one little slip. I've been there, especially when it comes to jobs. I'm nearing that point right now, actually, in my current job. As far as feeling like your relationship is about to slip away, well, at least you have one? Haha, probably not the kind of response you wanted, but at least it's honest.

Nothingclever,
Welcome. I know the feeling of that rut. I think group therapy is a great idea. It certainly couldn't hurt.

Paul

Thank you both for your compassionate replies.

I know this post is over a month old, but I hope you are feeling better about things going on in your life. I've found that when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed it helps to set small daily goals for myself, so I get at least something accomplished. For instance, I'll have to say to myself, "Today, you are going to clean the bathrooms!" and try to stick with it until it's done, even if my three kids are tearing down the rest of the house in the meantime. At the end of the day, I still have a small victory.

If you feel like you're not making progress at work or in your relationship, it might help to break it down into smaller tasks. Make a point to do or say one nice thing to your significant other without being asked or prompted; It doesn't have to be anything big. Hopefully, they will return the favor and it will become more automatic. Always make sure you take a breath and think before you speak. If you're feeling angry or frustrated with other things, try not direct it at your loved one. I've been married 14 years. When I'm feeling depressed or anxious, I apologize in advance to my husband and let him know where my head is, so he knows that if I'm irritable it's not necessarily at him (even though, sometimes it is). Sometimes, it helps just to get it out in the open. The other person can help talk you through it, so you can figure out whether your fears are rational or not.

At work, set short-term goals for yourself, like, "Before lunch, I will finish 'x'. Before the end of the day, I will finish 'y'." But don't beat yourself up if you miss your deadline. Also, never be afraid to ask for help or say no if you'r already got your hands full. Too many people get buried in their work and are too proud to ask someone else to lend a hand. It's better to do a few things well than to do a lot half-assed.

Don't give up on yourself! Very few people get to live out their dreams. There is no "right" or "wrong" path in life. Take a minute to look around you everyday and recognize the good things you HAVE done and build on those. You may be positively impacting other peoples' lives more than you will ever know.

I hope this helps a little. Now, if I can only take my own advice...

I apologize in advance to my husband and let him know where my head is, so he knows that if I'm irritable it's not necessarily at him (even though, sometimes it is).

You are awesome!

Cheers, all the best!

I just got here so wanted to reply also and hope that you, nothingclever, are still around...

I can totally relate to where you're coming from. I just recently reached a real crisis point in my own life and have had to invision a big dial switch on the wall of my brain that I've switched over from "junky crappy self that I hate" to "new person who is constructively working on herself."

I started reading a book (not finished yet) that has had a major great impact on me already... The Happiness Makeover by M.J. Ryan. It's an easy and enjoyable read that seems to be good sense piled on good sense for how to be a happier person in general without adding a lot of pressure. I'd recommend it as a good starting point. Start small...and take it one day at a time. Every day you get through is a triumph.