G'day from Brisbane, Australia

[Eddie]

Hi all,
I stumbled across the Mental Illness Happy Hour after searching for Marc Maron podcasts in iTunes and I am glad that this site exists. I've listened to a few of the podcasts now and I have never felt so much in common with others. So many times I have thought to myself while listening "I do the exact same thing"

A little about me, I have been depressed and on/off suicidal since I was 12 (25 now). I tried to get help a few years ago after suffering daily panic attacks on the train to work but my parents discouraged me from it by telling me "you'll get over it" and "there's nothing wrong with you". After coming close to suicide (although I have never told anyone in real life about it), and sinking further and further into depression last year I decided to finally get some help from a professional. My GP referred me to a psychiatrist who has put me on Lexapro, Pristiq and Luvox (not simultaneously). Lexapro worked for 2 weeks and I was on top of the world before sinking even lower than when I first started the medication. He changed me to Pristiq which made me suicidal. I am currently on Luvox which has helped get suppress most of the negative thoughts, but I still havent left the house in days nor been able to speak freely without processing what I want to say a hundred times.

I'm thinking about stopping the medication and psychiatrist visits as I feel like I'm spending money I can't afford to have another person disappointed in me.


This was too much info wasnt it

[Artmart]

Welcome aboard, glad to have you here!

[next year]

Welcome Eddie

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time getting on the meds. I suffered with the daily panic attacks a few years ago. It is a special kind of hell and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I took Klonopin to help with the immediate effects of the panic attacks (and the insomnia that would inevitably follow) and I took Lexapro. After a few weeks I weaned off the Klonopin and was able to just take the Lexapro. But I did have to try a couple of other meds before finding the magic cocktail. Xanax helped me sleep but I would wake up crying. Effexor kept me up for two days straight.

I know it can be rough going. Don't worry about disappointing your psychiatrist - keep bugging him until you find the right meds. That's his job. I found journaling to be helpful, especially when you're trying to keep track of a bunch of side effects.

Hang in there, and know that there are people out there who understand and care.

[PaulFB]

Hi Eddie,

Hang in there buddy. I know what suicidal thoughts are like and I know that when they are fueled by the meds they can be very powerful. Just remember this whenever you feel that way. It's just brain chemistry whispering bad thoughts; it's not real. Hang on and it will pass. Take comfort from the words of Homer Simpson, "Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!" Yeah, but really, don't do that just hang on. There is no amount of pain that's worse than feeling nothing at all and that's what death is. And whenever you feel like that think about the people that love you and who will miss you every day for the rest of their lives.

Peace and Love.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Eddie,
Welcome to the forum. Don't give up on professional help. It doesn't always find us the right answers on our timetable. I've been prescribed meds many many times that didn't work, or made me feel even worse. But that's because each person responds differently to different meds. Hang in there. Go easy on yourself. And no, you did not share too much information. Not by a long shot. That's what this forum is for.

Paul