YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

hi everyone i just wanted to say hi and let you know a little about myself

at the moment i keep getting angry and irratble for no reason and im always arguing with my partner, i was hospitalised in 2006 with depression and a failed suicide attempt i did get better but in the last year i feel totally angry and annoyed at the slightest thing i cant keep going on like this as i will lose my partner and new baby girl as well ,
i was phsyically and mentally abused by my older brother who would beat me up ona daily basis and my dad would do this aswell ,and my mum would do nothing about this.
i have a frayed relationship with my family now and dont have any empathy for anyone not intentionally but i come across that way when me and my partner argue i will say some horrible things and storm off then i wont talk things through with her, i was brought up not to show my feelings and was always being told to shut up or i was stupid or i deserved a beaten from my dad and brother there a things that are still vivid to me like when i was tied up and hung from a tree by my older brother and beaten up and left for hours this way and daily things like been hit with bricks, golfclubs or having my head rammed against walls and when i told my parents they did nothing and all i got was another beating so i clammed up for years another thing i remember is when i was ten and was to be home by 8pm i came home at about 8.30 and my mum smacked me in the face with a metal dog leash i still have the scar on my lip and i think all this is eventually catching up with me again,
i defo need to talk to some one but i dont know how as being a guy it aint easy i need a little help here so i hope someone on here has been through similiar things and can point me in the right direction.

am sorry to all that read this for the long rant but i hope i find some help on here.

thankyou

derrick `

Welcome! I hope you find some comfort and help here.

You have been through so much. It is amazing what people can survive as kids and then it comes back to rear its ugly head when you're older.

You've done the hardest part, admitting that you need help. Make the phone call, and find a therapist. If you're employed (I never assume these days) maybe your employer has an employee assistance program that can point you in the right direction. Or if you have insurance (again, I never assume) their website should have some references. If you don't have either, try social services. I know my library has a social worker who comes in once a week to work with people who need help finding the right resources. Any pastor at a local church/temple/whatever should be able to help in this regard as well - any religious professional worth his or her salt won't care if you're a follower or not, they will just help.

You have a lot to work out and you can't do it alone. It sounds like you have a lot of good things in your life worth fighting for.

Good luck!

I never heard it so well till I visited this site for the first time. I am a hot tub shitter. So what do I do. I'm not to cheap to see a therapist. I just can't afford one.
I hope I haven 't already stinked up the place. I suffer from loneliness and isolation. I just can't connect to people, and I'm very afraid to even try.
When I do try, people assume that I'm stand offish and arrogant, but I'm really terrified of rejection. I wish I had just one friend.

It's me again. I'm also very weird and people pick up on this.

Hey Derrick,

Welcome to the forum! I'm sorry you've had to put up with so much crap in your life; no one deserves to be treated like that. I think you'll find that there are others here who have had similar problems to varying degrees. Have you considered that you may have PTSD from all the abuse? Might be something worth looking into.

-EL

Derrick,
I want to second what Eternally said. And encourage you to seek help. Sometimes if we just set out to try to get it, the universe has a way of making things easier. I know that probably sounds like a lot of new age horseshit, but its been my experience. Know that you are not alone and boy do I relate to the rage! And I wasn't even beaten. I think what's important is the emotions that are bouncing around inside us.

Paul