Recurring treatment resistant major depression

[terryb]

Hello. I've just discovered the website and podcast (mention in NYT magazine this weekend) and have listened to a few of the podcasts (starting from number one, since doesn't that make sense??) I have had recurring, progressive, treatment resistant, major depression for 7 years or so. Lost my work, my friends, and almost tore my marriage apart. Treatment has included everything that was ever suggested to me: lifestyle changes (diet, excercise, stress managment, etc.), talk therapy, many different antidepressants, yoga, church, etc. etc. etc. and most recently electroconvulsive therapy.

So much to say about all of that and more than happy to share anything that would be useful to anyone, but in this post I would like to simply thank Paul for getting this together. Over the years by far the most helpful treatment has been talking to others with similar experiences, because you DO feel as if no one understands what you are going through. I try all local support groups that I become aware of, but none so far has been a good fit. Listening to the podcast gives me hope and some peace.

[dare i say it]

Hey terryb,

I can relate to so much of your history. I've tried everything on your list of depression treatments except yoga. It's been quite an ordeal. I keep trying things a second, third, and fourth time. I wish I knew why it was so hard for me to find help. Recently, I've gotten back into talk therapy (2 months in). That's been helping in some important ways, although things never happen as quickly as I would like them to.

When I make the most progress, it usually involves a delicate balance between being fully receptive to help from actual professionals, and using that help to find strength within myself. My therapist is good at being supportive and compassionate while still challenging me to grow. It can be an agonizing process, but at least there's forward progress in my life. I wish the progress was faster, but maybe this is all my psyche can handle for now.

[terryb]

I have so much sympathy for what you are going through. So often it's hard to tell what might actually be working because at any given moment there are so many things happening - mentally, physically, spiritually (hate that word) plus on top of that all these things play off each other constantly. Right now i feel better than I've felt in six years, but I'm not really sure whether it is due to the electroconvulsive therapy, or due to the ECT having "kickstarted" meds that didn't work for me before (I've heard that's a possibility), or whether what's happening to me now is hormonal. There's been a lot written recently about estrogen and depression and what i've read so far fits with some of my history. Keep plugging away at it - I hope you find some relief soon.

[dare i say it]

Thanks. In case it didn't come across before, I have a lot of sympathy for you too. I have actually been getting some relief over the last couple of months since I've gotten back into therapy. Since meds and ECT didn't even really touch my problems, it seems like my issue might be a spiritual one. (I'm uncomfortable with that word too.) There is something very humbling about sitting my butt down in a therapist's office and being truly open to his advice--even if it seems like his suggestions won't help, even if the work he asks me to do between appointments feels very uncomfortable. I'm trying to accept that I don't have all the answers to fix the problems in my life, and at the same time not become totally dependent on others around me. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it is paying off so i guess I should be happy about that.

Keep plugging away at it -

Will do. I will if you will. Actually, there's a better way to say that. I'm going to continue working on my stuff for my own reasons, and I'll be rooting for you to do the same.