Bending the Rules

[Colonialpunk]

Alright, I admit, I have posted a few things before actually introducing myself... the trouble is that things aren't quite straightforward in regard to what I deal with on a daily basis, so relating it in a way that makes sense is a bit tricky.

I am a 26 year old (woman? girl? human?) who lives in Seattle, WA. At age 16 I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, but in the ten years since I have also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder.

It has been hard for me to see how the OCD, GAD, and PTSD have been effecting me because Bipolar Disorder overshadows all.

For folks who are unfamiliar, bipolar disorder means that I can have emotional reactions to things that don't make sense to others, or that are largely out of proportion with a normal emotional reaction. I can also have intense mood swings triggered by by something, or they can occur completely on their own (for no apparent reason). Sometimes they are fast, sometimes they are slow, sometimes I can feel wonderful (or like I am "high")... sometimes I can feel depressed, to the point of feeling suicidal.

I've had 3 psychiatric hospitalizations.

At this point I do not have the benefit of medication, but not for lack of trying. I've had severe or allergic reactions to almost every medication I've tried, so my sensitive body chemistry has meant that I have to do what I can to curb my bipolar episodes on my own. To some degree, I feel blessed that I have the OCD to help me keep my bipolar symptoms in line... I find that to be a pretty wonderful irony!

I write a blog about mental illness (mostly bipolar disorder) and am an advocate in my community, co-leading a Bipolar peer network.

Last October (on national coming out day) I decided to come out to pretty much everyone I know as being bisexual. And then, hey, why not kill two birds with one stone? I came out as having bipolar disorder on the same day.

I've been making it a point ever since to be as open as I can with people about mental illness in my community (and beyond)... I'd love to help erase the stigma that is out there by addressing people's misconceptions face to face and through the way I live my life. As you can imagine, that's a big part of why I jumped for joy when I discovered The Mental Illness Happy Hour!

Thanks

[minigrogs]

Hi I enjoyed reading your post. I teach psychology, and spend a lot of time in my abnormal psychology class, trying to make these disorders relatable and erase the stigma. I believe we can all relate to a piece of all these disorders. You know? In some way or another. I open up to my class about how I relate to certain things, hopefully in a way to help them understand. I don't feel like I am trying to deal with my own problems through it. And there are certain things I would not feel 100% comfortable being open about. But I think it helps. I think this has opened some people's minds. I also recommended the podcast and websites like www.postsecret.com. I think that also helps decrease stigma. I mean sometimes we all look at stuff too clinically, and I like to bring humanity back to it. Underneath all the BS we are all just people wanting to be connected.

[Colonialpunk]

Thanks minigrogs,

That's awesome, I know that when postsecret just started out I was young enough to jump on that wave and really enjoyed it.

And I definitely agree that things can get overly-clinical (which is part of the reason I started writing a blog). Even with bipolar disorder, there are about as many variations as there are people who have it... though there are big similarities, I think a lot of people lose sight of the fact that the sorts of things that each person experiences can vary wildly from person to person. I fully believe each person is an individual, and diagnoses are only there to put a name on a handful of symptoms to make the treatment process (hopefully) easier -and potentially make relating what we're dealing with to others easier too.

[psm45]

I'm inspired by your committment to helping others even while you're going through your hardships. Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking that I have to be completely well before I'm able to do any type of advocate work.

Good on you and continue helping others in your community, you are a beacon of hope for those that effect!

[Colonialpunk]

Thank you psm45,

I think it is really important to take my own health into account when it comes to helping others (what I can do, realistically, vs. taking on so much I overwhelm myself), but I've created a system with a lot of my bipolar peers where if someone is unavailable to help someone else out, it is completely understood why (because we've all been there) and it helps take away some of that guilt that comes with saying no from time to time.

One of the things that has really helped me is helping others. That might sound kind of cheesy, but there is something that happens when you're helping someone where you find that they will wind up helping you in unexpected ways.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Colonialpunk,

So glad you decided to join the forum! You rock.

Paul