Whats up everyone?
Posted: May 15th, 2012, 9:53 am
Hi everyone, I really enjoy the podcast. I love that this forum exists as an outlet for those who are struggling. It is evident listening to Paul speak that he is a caring and empathetic person, by reading the forum I see that same compassion has been created here.
A little bit about myself, I am a 28 year old male and I am the youngest of three brothers. My father is an alcoholic and my middle brother is addicted to opiates. My father still drinks but it is mainly just yelling at the TV and other buffoonery, nothing scary anymore. My brother has been clean for a few months and some of that can be attributed to being on probation. I can remember times coming home from school and I would be terrified to open the door because I knew the house was filled with a bunch of f****d up zombies. These weren't the sweet and beautiful people I knew and love. However, seeing my father reduced to an angry, moronic, terrifying stranger taught me quickly not to use drugs or alcohol. My oldest brother and I avoided the trappings of addiction which runs in our family. While my father's alcoholism was scarring and frightening in its own right, watching my brother go down the same destructive path was utterly gut-wrenching. Since we are only 18 months apart he was my best friend since birth, my hero. While my mother is a very sweet and loving women who deserved much better than what she got, I used to be angry at her for not realizing the tough front I put on was all a facade. With my oldest brother moved out of I was her only shinning light at the end of a very dark, long tunnel. There were times when I just wanted to scream and cry but I was always worried about being the straw that broke the camels back. Having said all of that, my family and I are all very close and we share love and frustrations openly.
I am an altruistic person and love to help others which was part of my motivation to go into law enforcement. However, the counterpart is I also thought, "Hey if I were to get killed I wouldn't have to deal with all this stuff." (Actually that was the sole motivator for me finally riding a roller coaster as a teen.) As a correctional officer I ran the education department of the prison. By law if you are under 21 you have to be enrolled in the program. I just saw so many young men 18,19, 20 years old who had sentences twice their age it broke my heart. I spoke to them and they all had similar stories of poverty, addiction, dysfunctional homes. I decided I needed to take action to prevent these young men from throwing their lives away, so I resigned.
Talk about a dark period in one's life. I was dealing with my family stressors which alone could break a thousand men. However, I added to that shit sundae a million heaps of poverty, lack of education, and institutional racism, sprinkles because I apparently didn't have enough issues to try and solve. In this pit of despair I began to search for SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to make sense of the seemingly endless supply of darkness that surrounded a teenager/young -adult who just wanted everyone to love each other and be happy. I wasn't asking for luxuries only normalcy. Luckily I found that sense of peace through meditation and the teachings of Osho. I won't be long-winded on that aspect because what worked for me may not resonate with you. If asked I will happily share quotes or meditations I found helpful, but just know for me it was life-changing. I didn't need to hold on to all of this pain, apparently their isn't a reward for shoving down darkness and chaos, who knew?
I am now very happy and pursuing my Bachelor's degree in social work. I fully intend to earn my Masters/ LCSW and open my own private practice. This show has been so helpful to me in that regard. I forget the guest (because I have listened to so many in a short period of time) but she expressed holding back on the amount of times she had been sexually abused because her therapist was already visibly upset. I felt SO SO bad for her, this was supposed to be the sanctuary where she could bare her soul and she felt stifled by him. I'm not angry at the therapist though because he seems to be a caring person who was understandably sickened by the abuse of a child. However, I can tell that is a HUGE mistake I will have to be very mindful of. Also, the podcast just helps remove that feeling of alienation we all feel coming from homes which were more dysfunctional than Disney.
OK wellllllll that was way more than I had planned on writing. Once again, I just wanted to say hi. If anyone needs someone to talk to, I don't have all the answers, but I have an ear. Thanks.
A little bit about myself, I am a 28 year old male and I am the youngest of three brothers. My father is an alcoholic and my middle brother is addicted to opiates. My father still drinks but it is mainly just yelling at the TV and other buffoonery, nothing scary anymore. My brother has been clean for a few months and some of that can be attributed to being on probation. I can remember times coming home from school and I would be terrified to open the door because I knew the house was filled with a bunch of f****d up zombies. These weren't the sweet and beautiful people I knew and love. However, seeing my father reduced to an angry, moronic, terrifying stranger taught me quickly not to use drugs or alcohol. My oldest brother and I avoided the trappings of addiction which runs in our family. While my father's alcoholism was scarring and frightening in its own right, watching my brother go down the same destructive path was utterly gut-wrenching. Since we are only 18 months apart he was my best friend since birth, my hero. While my mother is a very sweet and loving women who deserved much better than what she got, I used to be angry at her for not realizing the tough front I put on was all a facade. With my oldest brother moved out of I was her only shinning light at the end of a very dark, long tunnel. There were times when I just wanted to scream and cry but I was always worried about being the straw that broke the camels back. Having said all of that, my family and I are all very close and we share love and frustrations openly.
I am an altruistic person and love to help others which was part of my motivation to go into law enforcement. However, the counterpart is I also thought, "Hey if I were to get killed I wouldn't have to deal with all this stuff." (Actually that was the sole motivator for me finally riding a roller coaster as a teen.) As a correctional officer I ran the education department of the prison. By law if you are under 21 you have to be enrolled in the program. I just saw so many young men 18,19, 20 years old who had sentences twice their age it broke my heart. I spoke to them and they all had similar stories of poverty, addiction, dysfunctional homes. I decided I needed to take action to prevent these young men from throwing their lives away, so I resigned.
Talk about a dark period in one's life. I was dealing with my family stressors which alone could break a thousand men. However, I added to that shit sundae a million heaps of poverty, lack of education, and institutional racism, sprinkles because I apparently didn't have enough issues to try and solve. In this pit of despair I began to search for SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to make sense of the seemingly endless supply of darkness that surrounded a teenager/young -adult who just wanted everyone to love each other and be happy. I wasn't asking for luxuries only normalcy. Luckily I found that sense of peace through meditation and the teachings of Osho. I won't be long-winded on that aspect because what worked for me may not resonate with you. If asked I will happily share quotes or meditations I found helpful, but just know for me it was life-changing. I didn't need to hold on to all of this pain, apparently their isn't a reward for shoving down darkness and chaos, who knew?
I am now very happy and pursuing my Bachelor's degree in social work. I fully intend to earn my Masters/ LCSW and open my own private practice. This show has been so helpful to me in that regard. I forget the guest (because I have listened to so many in a short period of time) but she expressed holding back on the amount of times she had been sexually abused because her therapist was already visibly upset. I felt SO SO bad for her, this was supposed to be the sanctuary where she could bare her soul and she felt stifled by him. I'm not angry at the therapist though because he seems to be a caring person who was understandably sickened by the abuse of a child. However, I can tell that is a HUGE mistake I will have to be very mindful of. Also, the podcast just helps remove that feeling of alienation we all feel coming from homes which were more dysfunctional than Disney.
OK wellllllll that was way more than I had planned on writing. Once again, I just wanted to say hi. If anyone needs someone to talk to, I don't have all the answers, but I have an ear. Thanks.
