YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello All!

My name's Seb, hence my cryptically selected username. I've been listening to Paul's awesome podcasts for a couple of months now and have been reading the forums for a while, getting my 'lurk' on before today when suddenly the stars aligned, my synapses fired and a few extra drops of serotonin were created, allowing me to finally get up the courage to say 'Hi!'.

So... Hi!

I live in Australia, where depression has an accent much like Steve Irwin's although I live in Perth so it's a bit more Hugh Jackman in tone. That's right - my depression sounds like Wolverine. Nowhere near as exciting as it sounds, mind you. And thankfully, no yellow lycra.

I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, agoraphobia and mild OCD and currently manage it with medication (100mg Pristiq daily for those filling out their 'Meds Bingo' cards) and not much else - although I hope to change that soon.

I worked as a nightclub DJ for 16 years, as well as doing some radio along the way. Depression kept rearing it's ugly head but was mostly manageable until I started having panic attacks while at gigs. I'd be spinning tunes to a thousand people with their arms aloft, jumping up and down cheering before I'd suddenly begin to shake uncontrollably and start dry heaving for no reason, tears running down my face. And of course being in a DJ booth, this was all helpfully spotlit from above for that 'awesomely cool blubbing Superstar DJ with a snot bubble' effect.

I soon found myself having to leave for gigs an hour earlier because I'd need that long to will myself to get out of the car. Every step forward would make it harder to breathe and I wondered if I was losing my mind. On more than one occasion I'd have to ring the club manager and ask them to come and get me from across the road where I was too petrified to move.

That was a couple of years ago and although I've made some progress in life I'm still having to work extremely hard to give the impression that I'm a functioning adult. I manage to wear pants most of the time, which has been helpful. I'm not going to be able to go back to what I love doing yet, if ever, but for now I'm hanging in there.

I'm looking forward to meeting you all in pixel form. Here's to us having found each other via the medium of Gilmartin.

Hello seb! Welcome to the forum! Enjoy your stay, have a look around!

Hi Seb

Lovin the title. Welcome mate! I hope you're life gets back on track, do it at your own pace and be kind to yourself, Rosie

Hi, Seb!

I manage to wear pants most of the time, which has been helpful.

That's funny you say that. I have a friend who was going through bad depression at the same time as me, and she was also writing her doctoral dissertation. I would often have to call her to get her ass out of bed (by her request) and hold her accountable. I used to say that step 1 was getting out of bed, and step 2 was putting on pants. And some days, that's all the success we can muster. One day I called her from my office and someone overheard me asking "Are you out of bed?....OK, get out of bed, and put on some pants...when I call you back, you better have pants on."

Seb,
Welcome! Thanks for opening up. And I'm glad you're getting help. It's so hard to battle these things on our own. We need every healthy tool we can get our hands on, because our illnesses certainly have a vicious array of their own weapons.

We're glad you're here, and I'm glad you like the podcast. I hope to get to Australia one day, I think I'd like it.

Paul

Hi Seb!
Good to know there a few of us great southern-landers on here!

CC

Aww, thanks everybody! Great to meet you all. And a fellow Aussie too! *waves at Oreo Speedwagon*

Murphy,that's brilliant! I love that you got busted by a co-worker. How do you explain the context in THAT sentence? I have a good friend like you who sometimes has to talk me through putting some socks on to get started. "Now that you're in undies and socks you probably look ridiculous so best you finish getting dressed" - manages to get me through every time. You're awesome for being there for your pal.

Paul, I think you'd like Australia very much. If not just for our awesome ability to say entire sentences without pronouncing a single consonant. I've been told it's impressive!

Hi Manuel, I look forward to chatting with you. Hi Rosie! *hugs* to you from all the way over here in Australia. I hope your own journey is going well.

@seb Most grad students can relate to eachother's woes even if they don't have the mental illness to make the experience that much better. I just said that she needed me to kick her ass into gear to work on dissertation stuff, and that was actually explanation enough. Not knowing that my friend has gone weeks without putting pants on and/or getting off the couch. Partial truths

So, keep putting on those pants. It's a start.

@murphy I will, thank you. Socks... I can't promise.

Hi seb! Who needs pants when you've got a tiara?