YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi
I have been listening to the podcast for a few months and have found an "aha" moment in each episode that reminds me that I'm not alone in the "awkward and icky." Right now I am struggling with self-judgement and anxiety around issues of shyness. I am a naturally introverted person who doesn't need a ton of social interaction. However, a childhood of pretty severe verbal abuse has made left me with fear and distrust of people. When I was a kid I hated myself, avoided people, and wouldn't even look them in the eye. I am trying to re-program my brain in order to realize I am safe now and don't need to feel so afraid. However, I judge myself constantly for my fear and "failure." I made a lot of progress and have built a happy life, but there is still a darkness in me that I don't know how to transcend.

Welcome justme

Being verbally abused as a young child can destroy your self-worth, children should be given love and support to build up their worth so they can face the world with a smile. It sounds as though you've done well to overcome it and can now feel safe, which is tremendous. I grew up being verbally abused by my not so loving father and I've always doubted myself and other people. There are awful human beings out there but there are so many good ones too. Even though I don't always listen to my own advice it is important to seek out those with a kind heart. Hugs from across the pond, Rosie

@justme, I just wanted to say that you are definitely not alone. I feel you on the introvertedness and shyness, completely.

Welcome, justme. I'm sorry you didn't get the loved you deserved when you were a child. You are not a failure!!

One thing I am starting to realize is that I don't think my darkness will ever truly go away. Maybe expecting it to is setting myself up to disappointed. The only thing I can do is work on ways to respond to it and make sure it doesn't take over my life again. Of course, this is just what I have noticed about myself and I can't speak for everybody.

Hi Justme.... Welcome.
You are not alone. You are NOT a failure. You are a risk taker and a success. It was a risk for you to post here - but you did!
I am so sorry you have suffered and been subject to verbal abuse. I can relate.
My personal view is that physical wounds heal - the body heals itself. Emotional wounds need to be healed, by us. Our mind, attention to it, acknowledgement, it has to come from our soul. And that takes so much work!
Even then I don't think emotional scars ever truly heal. I think they just become less powerful as we grow stronger.
Let's here it for the introverts!!!!!!! yay us!
You will get there, you will find a balance it just takes time and practice.
A