YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Oh, GOD what a hellacious experience. My mother is the angriest, most narcissistic person on the planet. No, I know, your mother is. But seriously this woman is really super angry and just sort of lies in wait, waiting for you to say something that offends her. I DREAD going to see her, DREAD it. But I have to, because I am due an inheritance and if I don't make nice nice once in awhile, I might get written out of the will. I have been depressed my entire life and don't have much savings or health insurance. She could have helped me -- I asked her many times to help me with my medication/therapy bills, but she just flies into a rage and hangs up the phone. God, I just hate my family. My therapist has been trying to get me to stop expecting anything from them, and now I am finally in that place and don't even want to see them any more. Hateful, hateful, hateful. JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I have therapy tomorrow right before seeing her so that will help some.

Try to remind yourself: every hurtful thing she says to you is WRONG!

Thank you, Sleeper. Btw, I LOVE your photo -- very art deco or something. Yes, I will remember that. She is very good at drawing you in, being really nice and interested. Sometimes the bad shit happens later, in a phone call or something. I don't call her any more and she never calls me, so that's something. I have been trying to get my family to like me -- yes, like me -- my whole life. Sometimes I would even have to beg to join my family for Father's Day. They would pretend that they weren't doing anything and then they would have a party without me. Really hurtful stuff. They always fine some reason to exclude me -- then the next holiday, they would invite me -- no rhyme or reason to it. Then when I express my hurt -- usually in a VERY appropriate way, as in an email or letter that says "I am very uncomfortable with you losing your temper at me and threatening to hit me," I am told that I am a trouble maker and that I am not welcome at the house or whatever. It's really funny -- I don't lose my temper at my family, but the rest of my family have raging anger issues at each other. When I say "this makes me really uncomfortable" I'm told I'm the problem.

All of this came to a head about two years ago. I finally hit a turning point which was: I don't really want to hang or try to hang with these people any more. So funny, looking at what I just wrote, it's like, DUUUUUHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! But you know how it is -- everyone can see it but you.

Hi walklikeanegyptian

They are in denial and cannot express themselves properly, you are the odd one out but only because you can express your feelings. I brought stuff up with my dad a few weeks ago and he put the phone down because he didn't want to deal with it, total denial. I can't tell you that they'll change to become more understanding and less hurtful but you carry on dealing with it as best as you can because you are different to them but in a GOOD way. Big hugs from across the pond, be kind to yourself, Rosie

Your mom sounds like my sister. Total, manipulative nut job. I'm so glad I haven't seen her in 4 or 5 years. I had some things that I used to do that helped me keep my cool and not join in the crazy. First I tried to imagine someone was filming us. You can even imagine whoever you will talk to later for sympathy is the person holding the camera. Then I would think of what a stranger would make of seeing the situation as if they were watching us in a movie. I imagined them saying stuff like "that girl kept her cool while everyone else looks like screaming lunatics." They would sympathize with me. They would be impressed at my self control and angry about how she was treating me. Then I would fight like hell to keep my mouth shut. If you don't take the bait, they might get confused and run out of steam. Every time I didn't respond to her trying to start a fight with me I felt more powerful. I got better and better at staying cool. She would literally be one inch from my face screaming "get the f@#k out of my house," over and over and I would be relaxed and grinning back at her. It made her crazy but she would lose energy pretty quick then give up.
Good luck