Where to Start. . .
Posted: May 27th, 2012, 7:45 am
Hello,
My name is not Penelope (that's another story) but Katie. The podcast was introduced to me by my partner (who arguably is equally as messed up as myself) I've been listening for a little bit now, and have hesitated joining the site and then had one podcast that kind of hit a little too close to home, so decided why not I'll join the forums. I haven't really found a cyber space that has been particularly helpful and trying to keep a blog has been a bust, so I'll give this a shot.
Hmmm I really don't like diagnosis, as my therapist says it's really just so it can be billed. It has changed from depression, to anxiety, to panic disorder, to borderline personality disorder (which is a cop-out in the psyc world), to PTSD, and I think that might be it. I think personally that it's depression and anxiety that was worsened by PTSD. Mental illness runs strongly in my family so it's no surprise that I've had huge struggles I was a kid. Not too many ten year olds want to kill themselves, in high school I would have panic attacks frequently before school from the anxiety of going, crying hysterically to get out of it. My parents knew nothing about mental health and although they've come a long way since I graduated college, they still don't fully understand. So as a conclusion it went a very long time untreated.
College sucked and arguably some of the worst years of my life, but I'm still young so we'll see! Started with an emotionally abusive/controlling relationship, to a sexual assault (I hate the word rape fyi) from a "friend", to back in the same relationship who did not believe such things, to a relatively ok junior year, where for the most part I ignored the assault denying it's existence, I didn't really understand what it was. Senior was a shit show, started therapy with a really good therapist, eventually things started coming out, in the spring started medication for the first time ever, it went horribly, I o'd on anxiety meds, and a few more suicide attempts then a severe panic attack/nervous break down after current partner touched in just the right way when we were getting intimate. I only resent my therapist at the time for making me go to the hospital, it was either that or get kicked out of school. Although I almost didn't graduate anyway (another story that's intertwined).
It's been about a year, still working part time and moved home for health, although parents are understanding can't really confide much in them. Have a new ok therapist. Ready to start working a real job, with the degree I have, some bumps but overall seem to have found a good med balance.
That is probably way too much for an intro, but at the same time doesn't even scratch the surface. I'm just continuing to look for a place to vent and help others that doesn't involve me sitting at a table talking about what color my soul would be and reciting the serenity prayer, that's a bunch of bs.
My name is not Penelope (that's another story) but Katie. The podcast was introduced to me by my partner (who arguably is equally as messed up as myself) I've been listening for a little bit now, and have hesitated joining the site and then had one podcast that kind of hit a little too close to home, so decided why not I'll join the forums. I haven't really found a cyber space that has been particularly helpful and trying to keep a blog has been a bust, so I'll give this a shot.
Hmmm I really don't like diagnosis, as my therapist says it's really just so it can be billed. It has changed from depression, to anxiety, to panic disorder, to borderline personality disorder (which is a cop-out in the psyc world), to PTSD, and I think that might be it. I think personally that it's depression and anxiety that was worsened by PTSD. Mental illness runs strongly in my family so it's no surprise that I've had huge struggles I was a kid. Not too many ten year olds want to kill themselves, in high school I would have panic attacks frequently before school from the anxiety of going, crying hysterically to get out of it. My parents knew nothing about mental health and although they've come a long way since I graduated college, they still don't fully understand. So as a conclusion it went a very long time untreated.
College sucked and arguably some of the worst years of my life, but I'm still young so we'll see! Started with an emotionally abusive/controlling relationship, to a sexual assault (I hate the word rape fyi) from a "friend", to back in the same relationship who did not believe such things, to a relatively ok junior year, where for the most part I ignored the assault denying it's existence, I didn't really understand what it was. Senior was a shit show, started therapy with a really good therapist, eventually things started coming out, in the spring started medication for the first time ever, it went horribly, I o'd on anxiety meds, and a few more suicide attempts then a severe panic attack/nervous break down after current partner touched in just the right way when we were getting intimate. I only resent my therapist at the time for making me go to the hospital, it was either that or get kicked out of school. Although I almost didn't graduate anyway (another story that's intertwined).
It's been about a year, still working part time and moved home for health, although parents are understanding can't really confide much in them. Have a new ok therapist. Ready to start working a real job, with the degree I have, some bumps but overall seem to have found a good med balance.
That is probably way too much for an intro, but at the same time doesn't even scratch the surface. I'm just continuing to look for a place to vent and help others that doesn't involve me sitting at a table talking about what color my soul would be and reciting the serenity prayer, that's a bunch of bs.
