YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Why are mean people so often successful? I had to rehome my dog because I could not afford to move to keep her (after telling me I could have any dog I wanted, my landlord told me I could not have keep the pitbull I adopted). It was the right decision because she was too much dog for me -- young and full of energy, and I had a lot of anxiety about her being a pit after I adopted her. Also, she exhibited every possible problem -- separation anxiety, not housebroken, not crate trained. She had NO aggression of any kind -- the SWEETEST dog in the world, but I was always nervous about it anyway. So rehoming her, in the end, was the right thing to do. But I am now 55 and have had such attachment issues. I was relieved when I found her a home -- but now I miss her so much, and the couple who took her live in my neighborhood. They promised me I could see her from time to time, but as time goes on, the woman of the couple is one hell of a bitch. The couple are engaged and he is heir to a huge fortune -- he is great and wouldn't hurt a fly, but I have never met anyone like her who is so blatantly nasty to anyone who she thinks isn't good enough for her. Everyone i know who knows her doesn't really like her (several shop owners in the area, and friends of mine who have met her). What the fuck is her problem, anyway? She's going to be loaded -- I see them on fb and every other day they're in Hawaii or Alaska or Aspen. I live in an apartment and can barely support myself. What the fuck is the problem with petting my former dog or taking her for a couple of hours for a walk?

Please -- I don't want any advice about "this is what happens and you should have known", etc. The woman is a bitch and I am really suffering right now.

My heart goes out to you, WLAE (I hope you don't mind the abbreviation!). Of course you miss the dog - it's one of those horrible things that comes from having a kind heart. It allows you to feel love so strongly and to give it freely in abundance, but the flip side of that means that hurt and longing are also intensified. Boy, are they intensified.

This woman you mention...

What's her problem? She doesn't need to have one. She probably went to a special bitch kindergarten and worked her way up from there.

Lots of people think she's horrible? Great.

She won't make even the smallest bit of effort to let you catch up with your dog? She doesn't think of others.

She's going to be loaded with cash? Sounds like she will be.

What can you do about this? Absolutely nothing.

So if you can..... please try not to let her make you unhappy. I'm sending you a big smile and a hug from my desk over here in Australia and I'm literally willing some good energy to find it's way to you. Seriously, I'm pulling a weird face from the strain. You did the best thing for a beautiful animal.

Doggie lives with a guy that by your own description will take wonderful care of her, despite his appalling choices when it comes to choosing a partner.

You're a better person than that woman could ever hope to be. Put some of that awesome energy you get from being pissed off into addressing what to me (if I may) sounds like what you're really missing. You have love to give, and there are so many animals that would love to be walked, patted, cuddled and occasionally dressed in a tiny judo outfit and paraded around the house. If you have pals with animals maybe go visit them. Take that suitcase of doggie dress-up costumes you think none of us know about. Maybe visit a shelter. Any volunteer time to give? Free doggies, all day, with none of the hassles of hiding them from the landlord! Get some love back and put some of your beautiful energy into people that not only deserve your love and attention but will happily return it.

Twice a year get your dog a chew toy and leave it wrapped in the couple who adopted her's mailbox. (Is that sentence even in English? You get my drift) Your dog will still have your love and you'll know that despite Banshee Le Thunderbitch's best efforts she just can't stop you. You won't be 'intruding'. Just being the good hearted soul that you clearly are. How do I know this? Well, you're on these forums!

I really hope you don't mind me writing all this. As a person who has so often expected people to actually make an effort to consider me or not hurt me when given the opportunity I realised one day that I was doing something very odd. I was expecting the people that I clearly defined as awful to do the right thing by me. Heh what a brilliant strategy. I was facing the wrong way. I had my back to the 'audience'. And that's totally not my most photogenic side. Maybe if this resonates with you it will help ease a little of that sadness you have in your heart at the moment.

seb wrote:As a person who has so often expected people to actually make an effort to consider me or not hurt me when given the opportunity I realised one day that I was doing something very odd. I was expecting the people that I clearly defined as awful to do the right thing by me. Heh what a brilliant strategy. I was facing the wrong way. I had my back to the 'audience'. And that's totally not my most photogenic side.

This is so wise and poetic!

I'm so sorry about that horrible woman!! It's really hard to deal with someone who is your polar opposite.

Thank you to everyone who replied, especially Seb which was the most heartful, compassionate, rationale, thoughtful and right on answer I have gotten to this problem. After a few days of mulling it all over, I cam to the realization that it is really bad for me to be "begging" to get love -- either from my family, a friend (that was last year!), or a borderliner who is the new owner of my dog. She will always be my dog in my heart, but I don't have to reinvent my family dynamic by waiting to be loved by a fucked up person. So I have let this go, and I actually feel much better for it. Thank you again to all you responded. Seb, you rock. Please share your awesomeness with the world at large. We need you.

walklikeanegyptian, I'm so happy to hear that. And do you know what's so awesome? I've had a lowwwwww brain weekend and reading your reply put a smile on my face, gave me a lovely little feeling in my heart and made my eyes well up in the nicest way. You taking the time to write that helped me immensely in kind. And perfectly timed. So thank YOU.