YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi everyone,

I've been listening to the podcast for probably just under a year. The last 6 months have been especially rough, as I ended a friendship that felt more like a breakup than anything else. From that point, I felt like I had shut myself off and really, that was the only real friend I had left. I'm also quite shy and feel I'm too old to make any new friends. I just feel like I've led a life of disappointment, and perhaps it has been my fate to be alone.

I do have some hope that things will turn around some day. I want to believe I'm not alone.

Hello LaiLaiGirl! You're never too old to make friends. Well I hope not - otherwise I'm screwed. Welcome to the forums!

You'll be happy to know many of us here know that feeling of isolation well and understand completely where you're coming from. I like to draw my curtains and stay indoors all week. I contemplate hiding under the bed when the phone rings and I mostly try to avoid all contact with people in case one of them wants me to participate in this 'life' thing that the kids seem to be so into these days.

I'm awesome at social avoidance and my specialty is faking sudden outbreaks of exotic rashes/infections/lurgi so I don't have to go to work functions. In fact it could be my life's calling - professional shut-in™. Shyness isn't a bad thing. It's just a thing. Like being tall, or having elbows. It's part of you and you're awesome, despite what your head may tell you from time to time. It may be loud and it may be persistent but neither of those things make it correct.

You've posted here, which is a great start and I hope it's the first of many times you start to feel that you have a voice and some people to talk to, even if it's in pixel-on-a-screen-type -form. And most of all I hope that you know - to quote that old Paul Gilmartin country and western jazz fusion disco classic - 'You're not alone'.

Welcome! We can be your anonymous, weird, internet friends

I have looked through some of the other topics/posts and have never felt so *not* alone!

I just broke down yesterday because I didn't want to be stuck at home. My bf is stuck taking me out to places. That's when that ugly thought came into my head. I wouldn't have to rely on him if I had other real people to hang out with. My dream is to move away and start over. However, that's how I ended up where I am. It was the most stressful time of my life and brought into my life years of having anxiety attacks.

It's like a Lose-Win-Lose situation.

Wherever you go, there you are.

The relationship you need to work on the most is your relationship with yourself. Once you begin to have compassion for yourself and befriend yourself, that paralyzing feeling of profound loneliness will lift and it will be much easier to make friends on the outside.

I can't say much because I still struggle quite a bit with socialization. However, since I have become kinder to myself I don't feel nearly as lonely as before.

Also, getting out of my head helps tremendously. My job and working on my farm are the main things helping me get out of my head these days. When I sit around in my apartment, bad things happen.

Try to find a support group. Your therapist may know of one. I joined a support group for 20-somethings once and it was great.

And perhaps when you start being kinder to yourself you can attempt to mend some of your past friendships. I have a feeling that your poor relationship with yourself played a significant role in ending those friendships.

You are a good person who is worthy of love and friendship.

-D

I totally know how you feel LaiLaiGirl. I too have no friends of my own. I have friends that are really my boyfriend's. I've always had to end friendships because I've always felt taken advantge of. As in, doing all the planning, spending the money, giving rides, being supportive,listening to their problems. However, I've never felt my friendships were reciprocal. They would always disappear when I needed help. The sad part is they were probably as "damaged" as me and they couldn't be there for me because they didn't know how to deal with their own issues. I'm not sure how to meet friends anymore it's been so long.

I'm not sure how to meet friends anymore it's been so long.

Oh yes.

Also, I'm afraid that I am a bad influence on people.

JBR: You sound like quite the caregiver - which is very common amongst us depressives/mentally ill.