YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I can feel it lurking..once you have been clinically depressed, there is always the fear it will return. That inability to take a deep breath, heaviness in the chest, prickles of tears too ready to come, sleepless,agitated nights.
So...there is so much good stuff here...so true that it. is the anxiety itself that causes the most distress, for me anyway.
Has anyone tried hypnotherapy? I am calling a clinic today. Like many of you, I don't come from an abusive home. There were some emotional issues with my mother, but really, i think I have had depressive tendencies all my life. I am not an addict, can't seem to even develop an addiction strangely enough.
I do suffer from feeling isolated and am embarassed to admit to this frailty. My life should be something I enjoy. I am so much better off than so many people...so what is my problem. So often, i have yearned for some tool, some therapy which could vaccuum out my brain, my ruminative thinking ,so that i could start fresh...I want to vanquish all that crap...decades of personal history, regret, mistakes.
I know we are our memories, but so many of mine are sad.
I find that the only thing that works for me is physical exercise. i am trying to avoid meds for now.
If anyone out there is from Toronto, can you recommend any support groups?

Oh dear...your post really took me back to my 20's and early 30's. The helpless feeling I would get...before I knew about anxiety...I knew I was about to go DOWNHILL fast. In my earlly 20s I would gain weight, ruminate, and pull my hair out...after that it changed to weight loss, rumination, and getting nearly psychotic from lack of sleep.

Unlike you...I did have a drinking problem...but got clean/sober at age 27...I am still active in recovery. But it didn't fix the depression and anxiety that would cycle through every so often. AND it began to get worse and be harder to shake as I moved into my 30's.

I found many things helped a little bit, though. Sobriety/working the steps/living right - helped a little, accupucture helped a little, regualr exercise (took up tennis) helped a little, having regular social contact helped a little, helping other people helped a little...and then I tried medication. It worked great....so after I felt better...I quit taking it. First fluoxitine, then citalopram, then sertraline. All worked great. Very minimal doseages...the only side effect was a hard(er) time having an orgasm. They all worked great...after.....every couple years......when I would nose dive into crazed rumination, pretending to be OK, trudging around and doing my life....I would finally take them.

I'm 53 now...26 years sober...still a bit of a loner but not isolalted...and after I started taking meds 15 years ago...I have seriously never felt that panic again. Please consider trying a low dose of some med/SSRI...some are even really cheap if you have no insurance.