YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I started off listening to the podcast early on. I was profoundly moved . As I listened I sent occasional emails, sharing thoughts and feelings. Realizing that this was not a Dr.s office I was sure not to send anything like "crying for help" emails. I'm not on that place with my depression anyway. But recently, my many unanswered emails, a couple of requests, and some darned honestly answered surveys, I have started to feel that my thought and imput are not needed. I feel as though, if I'm not a young female I my 20s or a hipster young guy with cleaver turns of word that make Paul laugh, my story isn't enough. And now seeing, yet another listener podcast has been posted I keep thinkingWTF!

Paul you are doing I important work, and yes I know the listeners hip is now huge and not every person can be catered to.
And use, I know that the forum is to give voice. I'm just saying, don't get so big that your target audience gets smaller.

Just some thoughts as I unsubscribe from the podcasts. Shooting myself in the foot? Taking things too personally? I'm sure that is all valid feedback. And there there is mine. Stay well all.

Yeah, the mental health aspect of the podcast creates a tension between treating those in need of help and sustaining an audience for a podcast among stiff competition from thousands of other podcasts.

Also, this forum seems to be a place where people join as they just begin contemplating getting professional help, and then they disengage from the forum when the professional treatmens starts. It sometimes makes me bummed out that friends from the forum when I began posting have all drifted off, but I remain.

It is easy for me to cut Paul slack because on top of the pressure of losing steady work in his profession, and overcoming issues with his mom, and a profound chemical depression of an order of magnitude greater than my own chemical depression (which was still enough to make me suicidal), and maintaining sobriety... Paul puts in considerable work into each and every podcast, on top of making transcripts eventually available and audio projects for the future of the show, etc.

But I hear you that it is disheartening to feel a need for connection, and to be overlooked in favor of "sexier" people with "sexier" problems. I have Aspergers, depression, anxiety and my big problem is lying in a coma in my bed for 15 hours a day, and alternatively viciously sarcastic or weepingly self-pitying for the remaining hours. That would be a dullest worst podcast ever, if I was the subject of a listener podcast.

Also, the podcast and the forum can be a trigger. There is that.

Please know that you are being heard and understood, Powerpac, even if it is just a loser such as myself. Taking a break from something that doesn't seem to be nourishing you is a valid course of action, and that decision is not irreversible - you can come back if you decide to give it a 2nd or 3rd chance.

It seems that the podcast and the forum seem to be best used as a prelude to getting professional help. I just wrapped up 12 sessions myself, and it helped me improve.

Please take care.

Hey,
Sorry you feel as you do, and if you don't mind, I just want to say a couple of things in response. First, I can relate. Shit, I've had to fight feelings of "I'm gonna write a great fucking post, so great that Paul will read it on the show. And it'll be funny too, so funny that he'll invite me to cowrite something with him and maybe some of his cool comedian friends, etc, and I'll live in LA and be friends with him and Mark Maron and Sarah Silverman (more like fuck buddies with her, is what I'm really thinking. Who'm I kidding? We'll start by playing Scrabble and one of us will play a dirty word and we'll laugh and stop laughing at the exact same time, and look into each other's eyes and... all my inadequacies will be gone as this famous smart hot gal welcomes me into her most private sanctuaries) Which of course will lead to a cameo on Larry David's show and I will become such a cool fucking guy and an alternative-comedy rockstar. I'll have breakfast with Tenacious D at their favorite hangout spot, like, at least twice a month, and so I'll end up in a bunch of movies too. Fuck, I'll play tennis with Paul Rudd and flirt with Jennifer Aniston at a party."

I'm not saying that you were being that ridiculous in the least, I'm just trying to show that I relate to wanting Paul's attention (and lots of other folks' attention, evidently). I've avoided emailing him because I thought I'd feel crushed if he didn't get back to me; and I didn't want to risk that and then have the podcast ruined for me for good. (And at the same time, because I want his attention, I also resent him, and am like "Fuck him. Who the fuck is he?" etc. ) Now... at the same time, I think that Paul is just a guy, like you and me. In fact I know he is. I mean, right? Sure, a famous-ish guy who's also now ... well a bit of a guru to many of us (do I overstate that? It's true for me. I assume it's true for a bunch of you similarly narcissistically wounded people who have a habit of idealizing folks who don't ask for or necessarily deserve it). But the fact is, he ain't a guru. He's a guy, doing a lot of stuff, and I'm waaaay less busy, yet have trouble responding to folks who get in touch with me. Or taking the recycling out, or sending a fucking condolence card to a friend that it's now too late to send, 3 weeks after the fact (Is it? I welcome opinions) I ain't trying to minimize what you feel, I sure hope this doesn't come across this way. What I'm trying to say is that if the podcast, and this site, are helpful, then it'd be a mighty-mighty shame if you had to let this go. We don't know why you haven't heard back from Paul. Maybe he's being a devious dickhead. Even if he is (and I don't think that's so, just making a point here) then that's on him and not a reflection of you. And it doesn't mean that he doesn't mean everything he says, and that this is all bullshit, or that you're not worthy or anything. Or fuck, maybe you're not worthy of his time, and I'm not either. Well, OK. I'm not worthy of Barack Obama's time, or Beyonce's, or Steely Dan's (that's right Steely Dan! Boo-yah!) But that doesn't mean they hate me or I should hate them, or not enjoy them or vote for Romney or anything.

I hope that you'll appreciate the response from manny g (sorry, man, not quite getting your name right and too lazy to go and look) and from me. He cares how you feel, and I care how you feel. I think Paul does too. In fact I'd bet a lotta money that he does. It's just that it's us, some other family members, who've had the opportunity to get back to you, rather than the cool brother we all admire. Paul is not the point of the show. Truth, feelings, flaws, disappointments, illusions... and negotiating all of those is the point of the show (in my very humble opinion, of course). So don't leave school just 'cause the cool professor walked past you wo/saying hi. It ain't about him, it's about your learning and your growth--stay in school !(as Mr. T always advised!). The disappointment you feel now is part of that schooling. Feel it fully, write about it on here, hit the heavy bag, strangle a puppy (joking!!). But don't resolve this circumstance by leaving, I urge you. It's the sort of thing I've done so many times, and I've missed an important opportunity each time.

I hope this is taken in the spirit in which it's offered, and if I'm too presumptuous, or just plain-fucking-wrong I apologize, very much. Just an effort to reach back out to ya and share some of the way I see this. No disrespect.

(not sure what happened, but this got posted under a different thread originally)

I admit that I have had some negative feelings toward the podcast and entire experience of late. Honestly, I've felt bad for having them because 1) I know Paul works very hard and he doesn't have to do any of this, 2) he is very harsh on himself, especially when it comes to what people think about the podcast, and 3) if I were in his shoes, I wouldn't want people bitching about my performance.

I don't care if the podcast guest it famous or a random guy off the street, as long as he/she has a compelling story to tell. Maybe I've changed since I started listening to the podcast just six months ago, or maybe I've just raised the bar. I think about TV shows that I enjoy watching tremendously when I first discover them, but months later get bored with because they don't engage my anymore. We aren't exactly the easiest audience to please here. Look at us!

Maybe a constructive way for Paul to get real feedback on the podcast/website/etc would be to set up a survey with specific questions about MentalPod. Put that Survey Monkey subscription to good use.

Powerpac -
Please consider sticking with the community and the podcast. I see that you've only posted 5 times here. Maybe try to engage in more commenting? Get to know your fellow listeners and maybe you'll find that experience rewarding.

Glock -
Your comment made me laugh. Thanks.

Powerpac -
Sorry to hear that the podcast is making you more frustrated and not less. Maybe if you take a break from it you can come back to it at a later point and it will click for you. I do hope that you can still post and read posts on here if you find that at all helpful. Best wishes in any case.

Glock - you are a funny fucking dude. I used to have similar delusions of grandeur. And I'm glad that someone else is willing to admit to sexual fantasies about Sarah Silverman. That's right. I said it.