im new! Scared as a newbie

[rene1983]

hello all! Well, lets see, as a self-diagnosis, im 29, believe ive suffered from moderate to severe bouts of depression even though it's never came to the point of not being able to work or be suicidal. i know that i have needed to resolve alot of issues within my family and my past --who doesn't, im pretty boring. I think i dont keep friends that well, I find myself getting mad and being resentful at friends at times. I sometimes feel like life is passing me by--i'm 29, still not married, no kids, and in a relationship with someone that I should be happy with to move along with all the rest of society at this age.

[Jules_rules]

First of all, welcome. Please don't be scared. I'm a relative newbie too but everyone's been kind and supportive.
The feeling that you aren't keeping pace with everyone else, that your peers (or the world at large) are passing you by (as if there's just one correct narrative), is a common theme around here and I know it sure has been for much of my life. A past therapist used to slap my hand (metaphorically only) every time I mentioned feeling that I wasn't as good as, as thin as, as successful as, as far along as... You know the drill. Those comparisons are not healthy or productive for most of us. Having said all that, I sure understand the feelings.

I hope you'll keep posting and sharing. Honestly, I think it helps just putting our thoughts out there sometimes.

[penny]

i think a lot of people can relate to your situation--difficulty making friends, depression. i know what it's like to feel like you're behind everyone else's schedules for life accomplishments. i still obsess about not owning a house or having a pension and i'm 36. i was married at 28...but divorcing by 31. met the love of my life a couple of years later. now i'm obsessing that i'm late starting to try to have kids, and that's been difficult because of my age. still, i try to remind myself that it just wasn't an option in the past for me. be kind to yourself. i hope you find some comfort here.

[Cherry_Iceee]

Im in the same boat too, no kids no husband no clear career path. nearly everyone i used to have as friends all have careers or kids. I figured if i didnt have kids id at least have a career by now... no direction in that either. I raised a nephew so i feel like i had a kid already. it wasnt mine but i did most of the raising. By the time my friends had kids i was an old hat with children and was like been there done that. could tell them things about thier kids how they were behaving wasnt right they were sick or something was wrong with them. Theyd look at me like i had two heads cause i knew there was something wrong with them. but because i technically didnt have any kids i was too stupid to know this. Turns out i was right every time. by the time their second kid came along they knew enough to take my word. by the third kid i knew i didnt fit with them anymore. I understand not being good enough or feeling like you should be doing something or done something by now. I know im just lazy and theres no hope for me. The good news is i dont want kids and dont want to be married.
no need to be scared, this is the place for the little off people. people are kind and good here and we all understand each other on some sort of level. i have yet to read an unkind word on here. Welcome to the forum!

[penny]

i'm willing to bet good money that you aren't lazy and that there is hope for you. when i insult myself that way, one of my friends says to me 'Be nice to her!' meaning 'Be nice to You--you wouldn't talk about a good friend like that'. Sometimes it helps me not say mean things to myself.

i often call myself 'lazy' in my own head--learned it from hearing my mom belittle herself, calling herself all sorts of horrible names when she made a mistake or did something silly. nowadays i'm trying to tell myself that i'm not lazy--that putting things off to very late and being tired are all a part of my depression. once i forgive myself a bit it's easier to do a few of the things on my list of stuff to get done. taking a day in bed or on the couch without beating myself up with guilt has been harder to do. (i spend time on the couch---just feel guilty the whole time).