Hello from Australia

[OzGuy]

Hi Everyone,

Just thought I would introduce myself as I just signed up despite listening to the podcast from day one. I love each and every episode and thank Paul for everything he does.

A little about myself, I'm 30 years old and single (constantly single!) from Melbourne, Australia. I have been taking a very low dose of Prozac for around 12 months now prescribed to me for anxiety following up from an accident when I was injured fairly badly but not permanently. It has helped a little with my overall mood but I would still say anxiety very much shapes my days. I have a very well paying job which I hate and find boring, but I am afraid to leave because I worry that I would never be able to get another job. I constantly go from emergency to emergency in my job because I procrastinate to the point of having to do things "or else", despite wasting time on unimportant tasks and never being able to finish simple exercises. I put off things so much because I cannot bear thinking about all the things that could go wrong with it, and then I have to rush and do a half assed job. If I had to describe how I feel about my life I would say I am like a train driver of a train that's about to derail, trying to keep things together as everything is wobbling and about to give way. I'm constantly fantasizing about leaving my job and leaving town and seeing how long I could live going from town to town before the money runs out, and yet I'm constantly fearing being fired. My sex life is pretty much non existent and I have never been in a "proper" relationship. Every time someone tries to get close to me I push them away from the start, and I'm always afraid of pursuing anyone because of a crippling fear of rejection or because I foresee problems down the road so I don't even try. I have battled with my weight constantly and although I love exercise and have been very fit at times, I go through long periods where I cannot be bother to do it and I just eat and eat and eat. I feel like I have an inbuilt programming to sabotage myself every time I get close to what I want.

I realize though that nothing is going to change if I don't change. I don't really know what to do, or even if I should do anything. I don't feel "broken enough: and I'm sure I come across as a whinger, but I think of the fact that I am 30 and all I know is I don't want 2 and a half times "this". Sorry to ramble but I don't really have anyone I discuss "stuff" with.

I look forward to getting to know you all and let's hope that 2013 is a year of positive change for us all.

OzGuy

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello OzGuy, welcome to the forum! Looking forward to reading your contributions to the discussion threads!

but I would still say anxiety very much shapes my days

I know this feeling well. The best I can do is write in my journal, and make a very, very, very low impact "To Do" list, knowing that anxiety makes me operate at 5% of the effectiveness compared to the effectiveness that I should be operating at.

Please take care, all the best, we all are cheering for your greatest today and tomorrow!