Poly-messed up with delusions of adequacy
Posted: January 9th, 2013, 2:00 pm
Greetings everyone! I'm a 50 year old man living out here in the northwest of Washington state. I've been listening to Paul for the past several months and really enjoy the post-cast and especially enjoy listening to the surveys and other posts from members. Yeah Paul - I even subscribed.
Basically I'm fucked up. I have been dealing with mental illness since 1974 - a really long time. I was first treated for suicidal ideation at age 12. I've been in and out of psych units ever since. Most were suicide attempts or seriously depressed episodes. I went on to become a spectacular drug addict (meth) for 23 years and a fair amount of alcohol just to keep things lubricated. I've been clean almost 9 years now.
After taking the drugs away, I applied myself (again) to therapy. But this time it was different. I started to actually understand what was going on with me. It didn't take long for the memories to come flooding back. I was learning that all the flashes of memory, the nightmares were all about my childhood. I'm a survivor of incest - my father - from age 5 to 11. No wonder I am so messed up! Well that and my suicidal, narcissistic mother, alcoholic family and a few other issues. I also learned that despite all the diagnoses over the years that I am actually a man with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). We like DID - well sometimes. Life is turning around but a long way from wonderful.
It's been a long 9 years and really painful and crazy but I'm still plugging along, slowly moving forward.
I usually listen to the show on my way to and from our big off leash dog park. I have 3 pembroke welsh corgi's The black one in the picture is Henry, my oldest. He's almost 16. Oh yeah - and I have a loving albeit crazy husband of 22 years.
It took me awhile to finally post this intro cuz I wasn't sure what I wanted to say or who would want to hear it. But here it is, such as it is. There is a lot more - you don't get to 50 being crazy without a few problems along the way - so feel free to ask. Peace to all.
Basically I'm fucked up. I have been dealing with mental illness since 1974 - a really long time. I was first treated for suicidal ideation at age 12. I've been in and out of psych units ever since. Most were suicide attempts or seriously depressed episodes. I went on to become a spectacular drug addict (meth) for 23 years and a fair amount of alcohol just to keep things lubricated. I've been clean almost 9 years now.
After taking the drugs away, I applied myself (again) to therapy. But this time it was different. I started to actually understand what was going on with me. It didn't take long for the memories to come flooding back. I was learning that all the flashes of memory, the nightmares were all about my childhood. I'm a survivor of incest - my father - from age 5 to 11. No wonder I am so messed up! Well that and my suicidal, narcissistic mother, alcoholic family and a few other issues. I also learned that despite all the diagnoses over the years that I am actually a man with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). We like DID - well sometimes. Life is turning around but a long way from wonderful.
It's been a long 9 years and really painful and crazy but I'm still plugging along, slowly moving forward.
I usually listen to the show on my way to and from our big off leash dog park. I have 3 pembroke welsh corgi's The black one in the picture is Henry, my oldest. He's almost 16. Oh yeah - and I have a loving albeit crazy husband of 22 years.
It took me awhile to finally post this intro cuz I wasn't sure what I wanted to say or who would want to hear it. But here it is, such as it is. There is a lot more - you don't get to 50 being crazy without a few problems along the way - so feel free to ask. Peace to all.
