YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hey,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jen and I'm a 39 y/o queer female. I say queer because I hate the word bisexual. I'm open to relationships with anyone on the gender spectrum.

I came to the MIHH by way of listening to Paul's interview on the Nerdist Network. I've listened to several episodes and feel like I've come home to the kind of place I've always dreamed of: safe, secure, and kind of demented.

About me: I have been in and out of hospitals from the age of 17, and most recently been diagnosed with Bipolar 2. For many years I was misdiagnosed and nothing seemed to work medication wise. I'm now on the right meds, go to therapy regularly, attend a support group for alcoholism-(in the spring I'll have 20 years of sobriety), and seem to be on the upswing.

I just got out of a funk and it was pretty scary. It always is each time my depressive mood swings hit me. It involved having a bulimic relapse after abstaining from puking for almost 10 years! I'm so ashamed. I feel like I'm in a tar pit of shit. The more I struggle, the more it sucks me in to the bottom of it. I don't know where the swings come from--sometimes I wonder if it is because of my upcoming 40th birthday, that I'm freaking out as part of a mid-life crisis. But I don't want to buy a sports car or fuck people half my age. What I've had and still struggle with is this thousand pound feeling like I've made the wrong choices in my life and don't live up to my full potential. I've dusted my ass off, am back on my feet, and discussing my feelings in therapy.

Anyways, I'm grateful to have found Paul, this site, and this forum. I look forward to getting to know you all better. If you're struggling with depression, bulimia, or alcoholism feel free to talk to me. I'm happy to try to help.

WELCOME!

We found Paul the same way it seems. (I didn't mean for that to come out like he was Jesus or anything.. But I kinda like it..)

Well. My first question to you is = if someone is NOT struggling with depression, bulimia, or alcoholism should they not feel free to talk to you? I'm kidding. You sound awesome. As I commented elsewhere, you brought a little ball of light into everything you touched.

Congrats in the 20 years of sobriety! That's amazing!! Also good on you for taking control of your bulimia. I can't see that as having been easy at all!

I'm also Bisexual and I absolutely hate saying it so it's nice to share that with someone. Worst of all.. when I actually DO say it, people tell me I'm not! It's the oddest thing that they'd know better than me, right? How did I miss that?

Don't worry about turning 40. It's seriously just a number. I like to look at it this way, I see so many people around me that go on the rest of their lives unhappy. Working a regular job to pay the bills and waiting till they can retire to start living. And they don't know anything else. I know my mother, for example, at 55 talks like she's pushing 80. Old age is horrible, yada yada. And then I go to tai chi and this 70 year old man is in better shape than I am!! It's all what you make of it. And you're aware. That's the key. So keep your mind on that, you're aware and you're capable to make a decision. You're already in a better position than a lot of people. You know what you're capable of over coming.

<3 Keep posting!! I'm happy to have had the chance to learn a little about you

Thanks, kittieface! I'm all farklempt.

Wow... this may be totally tangential to the conversation but since both of you brought it up I also hate the word bisexual. It sounds so clinical. I prefer to think of myself as flexible and open to possibilities. But I guess that doesn't fit into the neat categories everyone likes to put us in.

And don't sweat turning 40. I'm pushing 50. A few years ago I stopped worrying about how old I was and where the hell did my 30s go and started to just live. And when that happened it felt like I finally grew up - but in a good way.

Welome Jenny... it's good to have you here.

Welcome!

Hey there, thanks for sharing your story with the forum. I am brand spanking new to this thing. Anyway, one of my friends was talking about in-group discrimination in the GLBT community. He said the heirarchy goes as the initials. Gay men on top, lesbian women second, bisexual people third, and then transgendered. I guess I was wondering what your experiences, if any, you've had with discrimination (in-group and out-group)?

Strugglebus, I honestly haven't experienced much discrimination as of lately. Then again, I stay fairly closeted in my work environment. When I was in relationships with women, I did experience some name calling from the outside world, but never anything beyond that .

I'm married now, and when I made that move I did get some shit from some of my gay friends. One pal came to my defense and said, "She's married to ________. It's not like she went and got hitched to a dumb frat boy."

So, no--not really. I'm sure if I were out with a woman, I'd get some stares. And I'm positive if I were more out about being polyamorous, I'd get some shit too.