Codependency, ahoy!
Posted: January 28th, 2013, 10:47 am
Hey everyone! So I have been struggling with codependency issues for years now. My family growing up was pretty functional except that my siblings and myself were the sickest kids ever, (my family also has a rich history of mental illness which will come into play later). While I was always pretty healthy my three siblings were in and out of doctors offices and hospitals my entire childhood. This was the beginning of many more issues to come with me as the child that my parents "never had to worry about." As such I was relegated to caretaker roles since I was a kid. This was made even worse when my sister and I began attending the same university and shared an apartment by ourselves. My sister at this time was misdiagnosed as having severe depression with anxiety, when in reality she was an undiagnosed bipolar. (ps. antidepressants really fuck with people who have bipolar). I loved going to school but dreaded going back to the apartment where I knew I would have to talk my sister down from mental cliffs, sit with her while she bawled her eyes out at 3am, and worry that this would be the time I came home from class to see that my sister had killed herself. As a result of 3 years of this I knew the easiest way to calm my sister down, but I began to develop anxiety issues (which I now take meds for) and a pretty harsh depressive episode.
My parents love my sister and I dearly but they have no idea (especially my father) on the proper way to deal with someone with bipolar and as such I was (and am) constantly on the front lines, throwing myself on the metaphorical grenade that is my sister. It is incredibly draining and I have recently begun to establish firmer boundaries thanks to my awesome therapist. I feel that I missed out so much from my college experience because I was so wrapped up in my sister's problems and being told by my parents that she needs to be taken care of first. I have also moved back in with my parents once graduating from college to help my mother who has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am only 24 and I am exhausted.
Though I have been able to further my education and am getting a masters in Psychology to hopefully become a mental health counselor. I want to be able to give others to tools to cope with mental illness and for family members with a loved one with mental illness because I know that being thrust into that situation is painful and hard for both parties. Anyway, this is my first experience relating my story to anyone other than family and my therapist, and I must say it feels good to be heard by people who will understand.
My parents love my sister and I dearly but they have no idea (especially my father) on the proper way to deal with someone with bipolar and as such I was (and am) constantly on the front lines, throwing myself on the metaphorical grenade that is my sister. It is incredibly draining and I have recently begun to establish firmer boundaries thanks to my awesome therapist. I feel that I missed out so much from my college experience because I was so wrapped up in my sister's problems and being told by my parents that she needs to be taken care of first. I have also moved back in with my parents once graduating from college to help my mother who has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am only 24 and I am exhausted.
Though I have been able to further my education and am getting a masters in Psychology to hopefully become a mental health counselor. I want to be able to give others to tools to cope with mental illness and for family members with a loved one with mental illness because I know that being thrust into that situation is painful and hard for both parties. Anyway, this is my first experience relating my story to anyone other than family and my therapist, and I must say it feels good to be heard by people who will understand.