YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi everyone,

I've not struggled with a mental illness myself, but I have a fair number of friends who do. I'm also a mental health advocate. I'm a long time listener to the podcast. I listen to it as a way to build empathy and to try to increase my understanding. I know I will never completely understand, but the stories are a good way to try, and while I do not struggle myself, it is always great to hear about people successfully overcoming their struggles, as it confirms my hope that my family and friends can recover.

Anyways, someone very close to me was sexually assaulted by people she thought were friends. She has been going to therapy for it, and she is doing well, but she is having problems figuring out why this happened to her and how to think about it. She wants a why and a purpose, and even though her and her therapist have come to the conclusion that she will never know why, she is still struggling, and feels quite lost. I know that she will figure this all in time, because she is strong, and this is the first time, after shoving these events away for years, that she is facing it, so it's hard and new and confusing.

I thought that maybe showing her some of the podcasts of people with a similar story to hers might help her feel at least a little less alone. I know that their content might be triggering, but I also know that she is at the point now in her recovery where she knows what she can handle, and that if she doesn't think she can handle the podcasts, she wouldn't listen to them. I figured that at least they would be there, for if or when she was ready. When she's talked to me about the assaults, I've brought up things I've learned in the podcasts, and she found them helpful, and I figure it might be even better for her to hear them straight from Paul and his guests. My problem is, that even though I've listened to many of the podcasts, I don't remember which ones are related to her story.

Do any of you have any recommendations for ones she might want to listen to, or any other advice?

It's wonderful you want to help her!

The first podcast that came to my mind was of the woman who was attacked in a parking lot in her van. I can't remember which one it is, but I think another member might. It wasn't a celebrity or comedian, it was an "average Joe."

Have you thought about going to some kind of support group to get their advice?

Episode 70: Listener Lilly
Episode 74: Brenda Colonna
Episode 85: Coping with trauma with Brenda Feehery

There are some more I think but those are relevant.

Thank you all for your help! I haven't been to a support group. I'll look into it. I did ask her if she might want to go to a support group herself, and she said she'll look into it, so maybe that will be helpful for her, as well. I'm going to download those podcasts and she wants to listen to them together, so that if she gets triggered, she isn't alone and she's with someone she feels safe with. If you can think of any more of them, let me know. Thank you so so so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

Thank you for being there for your friend. My advice? Don't rush it. It takes a long time to recover from this sort of trauma. It is one thing when it is a random attack. It is a far more sinister thing when it is perpetuated by someone who is trusted. Indeed, she may never find out why, but that is not necessary to find a purpose. I know trauma victims can sometimes sound like a broken record - but the best thing you can do is be there to support her so she has the strength to lift that needle herself and put it onto the next song.

Thanks for the advice. I'm not trying to rush her. This has been a long process for her, and I know it will probably be a lot longer. I've been patiently supporting her, even when that means listening to her repeat herself. That's fine with me, because I know she will have to sort through this many times, and that simply having a sounding board, so she doesn't have to think about it all alone, is helpful to her. I know it will take time. We have a very open relationship, and she lets me know what she needs from me and when she is ready. I know that, especially in trauma, it is best to let her take the lead and go at her own pace. She is actively seeking other resources for herself, and is looking for anything that could possibly help her, and I only wanted to provide her with anything extra that might be helpful, as well, to be viewed/listened to if and/or when she is ready. I wouldn't have suggested the podcasts to her earlier this year, but because she is really trying to sort through her emotions and move forward right now, I figured now would be a good time to show her those extra resources.

I hear you. Trauma can be stubborn as hell. Sometimes we who care for trauma victims can become traumatized ourselves...something called vicarious traumatization. Have you been taking care of yourself psychologically? Sometimes we caregivers are too prone to putting our own needs on hold.

Another thing to take into consideration is what her belief system consists of......I had to recon with the whole belief of "why did -whatever- let this happen to me....it isn't fair and what did I ever do to get the shit"......
just a thought.

You said it was her first time. Was she ever been abused as a child? Maybe the therapist isn't going far enough back.