YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I really want to know because mine is today. no joke it's worse than the time i was raped at 13. my husband of 20 years told me he has been fucking some hot russian whore and she's pregnant. I think I could deal with the fucking. him fucking someone would be a walk in the park. we tried for 15 years to have a baby. he's a black hole I have spent years dedicating my life to. it's turned me into a doormat. I woke up everyday with his happiness the goal of my day. but he never was. i thought is was a wall he was behind. now i see he is a black hole. all my love got sucked in and nothing ever came back.
i know other people must have had worse days this this. tell me, make me stop feeling sorry for myself.

Well when I was 15, I was in the car with someone and they hit a kid who ran in front of the car at night. He died, and I had a panic attack. I had to be carried back to the car and my mouth wouldn't shut--it was just stuck gaping open in horror. Or maybe the worst day was seeing him in his coffin with all that makeup attempting to cover his purple bruises and feeling like I shouldn't be allowed at his funeral because I was in the car that hit him.

But even so, I think you win
Good luck to you

Sandy, this is a dangerous game to play. Whenever I partake in a "woe is me" type of pity, and then think of the hideous genius by which humanity visits pain on one another, it only makes me feel worse. Try to recognize the situation you are in for what it is. Maybe there is something to be learned. Somehow find the strength to move forward. This man obviously doesn't deserve the love you have given him. John Milton wrote "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” Perhaps you can find some peace in the place that is your mind and stop falling victim to the darkness of his. You cannot love someone into loving you.

If could hold you I would... Just know that you are not alone.
-Fredbo

thank you both. i'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. i know its not a game. i was just in shock. 20 years of my life it's just dead and gone. i wanted to remind myself others have it much worse and I just need to buck up and work toward a new future. a better future. i'm thinking of moving closer to family. it would be wonderful to live near people who care about me.