YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi. My name is Bryce. I'm currently 17 years of age and I hate every second of it. I'm bisexual, though my past causes some confusion about that. You'll see why. Over my few years on this planet, I have been made a "sex toy" for various men and women. In total, I think it was five or so different men and two women who raped/molested me. I struggle every day with horrible anxiety and clinical depression and the constant thought of "This is my fault," which is probably the reason I stay so suicidal. Anyways. I try to be social and happy, and I think I fake it pretty well. Luckily, however, no one sees inside my mind, save a select few who know a few stories of my past. I never sleep due to constant nightmares about the past, which is why I'm typing this right now. Anyways, I need some type of support. I hate being lonely and feeling as though I'm the only one I can rely on. Thanks in advance.

Your friend and confidant,

Bryce Layton Walters

Hey. You sound like you've been through some terrible shit, but you sound incredibly insightful and mature for your age. I hope very much that if you're not already doing so, you seek out a good counselor/therapist and maybe even a support group. You sound like you must be a very resilient person, and also a strong person to have endured so much abuse. I'm glad you joined this board- I think you will both find and give some support. Welcome.

Hey Bryce, welcome to the forum. Being 17 is hard enough -- pile on sexual abuse and you can make a pretty fucked up smoothie without a blender.

Poor metaphors aside, I think you'll find some solace in this community. We're here to remind you that you are not alone and you deserve to live -- not just preventing your suicide, but recovering from your traumas and loving yourself. It was a great idea to come here and post when you couldn't sleep. I'm a morning person myself, but the forum is most active late at night. Keep coming to us and we'll keep reminding you that you matter.

And you do, Bryce. Don't think otherwise.