Just diagnosed with OCPD
Posted: June 9th, 2013, 1:51 pm
Hi everybody,
I just got diagnosed with OCPD and I'm hoping to chat with others who have it. I tend to want to isolate myself from people when I feel my life is out of control, so I'm trying to combat that compulsion by joining the forum. The road to my diagnosis was long and winding. I probably wouldn't have even thought I had a problem if it wasn't for feelings of unhappiness relating to my job and control issues with my husband. I tend to blame my boss for my unhappiness at work (in my head), while beating myself up simultaneously for being unable to express my frustration and for even feeling frustrated in the first place. "Real" problems with my marriage came up when I started getting baby fever last Sept. (I'm nearly 30 and we've been married 6 years). I kept pushing my husband to have a baby "right now," even though he was still in school and financially we weren't even close to prepared to provide for a child. The fact he couldn't see things "my way" crushed me and made me feel hugely resentful towards him, even though he isn't trying to hurt me but is in fact looking out for US. I don't easily comprehend "Us." When I am anxious and overwhelmed, it's nearly impossible to see past or outside of ME, and if others don't let me have my way, it feels like the end of the world. It is absolutely terrifying. As my therapist put it, I need to realize there are other people in the world. It is exciting to finally have a diagnosis that fits (for 2 years I was told I had generalized anxiety disorder), but I feel like I'm in this horrible place right now where even though I can see what I am doing wrong, I don't have the ability to change anything (YET). I guess that's all for now. I really hope there are others like me out there. Oh, did I mention I have huge issues with overeating? Yeah...that too.
I just got diagnosed with OCPD and I'm hoping to chat with others who have it. I tend to want to isolate myself from people when I feel my life is out of control, so I'm trying to combat that compulsion by joining the forum. The road to my diagnosis was long and winding. I probably wouldn't have even thought I had a problem if it wasn't for feelings of unhappiness relating to my job and control issues with my husband. I tend to blame my boss for my unhappiness at work (in my head), while beating myself up simultaneously for being unable to express my frustration and for even feeling frustrated in the first place. "Real" problems with my marriage came up when I started getting baby fever last Sept. (I'm nearly 30 and we've been married 6 years). I kept pushing my husband to have a baby "right now," even though he was still in school and financially we weren't even close to prepared to provide for a child. The fact he couldn't see things "my way" crushed me and made me feel hugely resentful towards him, even though he isn't trying to hurt me but is in fact looking out for US. I don't easily comprehend "Us." When I am anxious and overwhelmed, it's nearly impossible to see past or outside of ME, and if others don't let me have my way, it feels like the end of the world. It is absolutely terrifying. As my therapist put it, I need to realize there are other people in the world. It is exciting to finally have a diagnosis that fits (for 2 years I was told I had generalized anxiety disorder), but I feel like I'm in this horrible place right now where even though I can see what I am doing wrong, I don't have the ability to change anything (YET). I guess that's all for now. I really hope there are others like me out there. Oh, did I mention I have huge issues with overeating? Yeah...that too.
