Hello all

[mattmason79]

I’m a 34 year old single guy, never married, living in Illinois. I play drums, enjoy watching thunderstorms and do web design for a living. That’s me in a very small nutshell.

I’ve had issues with shyness my whole life. I’m just like anyone else around my close friends, but I become completely quiet and closed off around strangers. There’s not a lot of consistency to it, because sometimes I’m fine around strangers and other times I’m quiet around friends, especially if I haven’t seen them in a while. I’m most comfortable when I have some alone time, so I guess that makes me a through-and-through introvert.

I have one brother who is ten years older than me and is married with no kids. My parents are still together and are in their late 60’s early 70’s. I had a moderately strict childhood growing up in a Catholic household and being the youngest. I’m sure the fact that my brother was a bit of a terror growing up caused the reigns to be a little tighter on me. Thankfully there was no sexual or substance abuse in my family growing up. My parents drank very rarely and my dad smoked until I was about ten when he had his first heart episode. Since then I can’t stand cigarette smoke (maybe I created an association between cigarette smoke and my dad going to the hospital).

High school and college were relatively similar: good experiences with a small circle of friends. I still see my college friends regularly and they definitely help keep me sane.

One of my best friends just revealed in a blog that she came close to taking her own life. We knew she suffered from depression and social anxiety for nearly a decade and was taking medication for it. I kind of figured suicide was probably something she has thought of in the past, but to read her describing the incident in detail (standing in front of an open drawer of knives) made it very real for me. Suicide has only crossed my mind once in my life, but it was only a passing thought after graduating college and not being able to find a job. I’ve never seriously considered it.

So that’s one of the reasons I decided to become more than a spectator on here. I’m hoping I can both give and get advice, but mostly I want to help as much as I can. I’ve listened to the podcast regularly for about six months and have also checked out the archives. Each episode is better than the last and I always find something to take away from the. I would say the Brenda Feehery episode struck me as very powerful and really stuck with me. I also very much enjoyed the Rob Delaney and Chris Hardwick episodes.

There are a few other issues in my life I want to discuss in due time, but I feel this is an appropriate introduction for now. I’m using a pseudonym so that I feel free to speak more openly on the forum. You can call me by my username or just Matt is fine.

[oak]

Great to have you. Welcome.

[eshkol]

It's great that you joined, Matt.

Welcome.