YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

That question applies to my life and to this forum. For the latter, sure, this is the obvious forum to post in - but what next? I feel overwhelmed by all the options. In fact, that's the main reason I haven't posted yet, in the 2+ years I've been a fan of this show. Which is kind of representative of how I'm stuck in my life. (See, I'm already going in circles.)

I feel like my parents never taught me how to be a grownup. I feel completely overwhelmed by life. I'm 29 years old, and I feel like I've frittered away a cumulative 28 of those, on bullshit procrastination. I live with my parents. I work a temp job. I spend most of my free time on Twitter, listening to podcasts while I play solitaire on my phone, and hoarding apps.

I've been in therapy for years. I've been in Overeaters Anonymous for about 19 months, and the 12 step approach (basically it's been my group therapy) has been immensely helpful, but I "broke up" with my sponsor a few weeks ago, and feel like it's stalled out.

I just don't know what to do, where to start. And when I don't know what to do, I do nothing. My brain is scrambled. I have a million ideas but I can't express them. I don't want to go to my grave as a wine bottle filled with finely aged potential, but half of me thinks it's inevitable. I'm worried I was born broken, with a missing muscle, a faulty spark plug. Like I just can't bring myself to care enough to try hard enough to get anything I want out of life. So I'm doomed to live my life in a state of constant nausea, and never throw up. Or something.

Like I started to say earlier, I feel like my parents never taught me how to take care of myself. I live in constant fear that something I forgot I had to do is going to drop out of the sky and flatten me like an ACME anvil. Like I'm sleepwalking, and I only find out what I need to do when someone yells at me for not doing it.

I guess in the spirit of introductions, I'll stop rambling now. Just realize that this is merely a taste of my crazy stew of ugly feelings, frustrations, fears, and potential psychological diagnoses.

So where to next? Probably another few months feeling bad about not getting around to posting in this forum, because I can't decide which subforum to post in. Not to sound unappreciative. This podcast is one of my favorite things in the world, and it's helped me beyond words.

Welcome. There are a lot of us on here that can identify with a lot (if not all) of what you described.

I know that you don't feel it, but you're still pretty young. Coming to these realizations and taking steps to make positive change in your life in your 20s is huge. The extent of my problems really only became apparent to me when things had built up to an intolerable level as I got close to 40, and now I feel like I blew what could have been the most productive and happy years of my life by screwing up a lot of stuff in my 30s.

I get where you're coming from - the jumbled thoughts and priorities. The anxiety that you will get in trouble for forgetting something. More than your parents not teaching you how to take care of yourself, it sounds like you don't feel comfortable deciding what you really want and what makes you happy and empowering yourself to do something about it. Sorry if that is presumptuous.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing more from you.

wow I can totally relate
have been very flat and only just registered for this forum
thanks for being so open and honest
your post made me wake up a little and feel less alone with my state
take care

Welcome!

Hey, post as much as or little as you like. Either way, you are a person of inherent human dignity and worth.

Personally, I found myself starting at age 29. Late twenties and early 30s are the time most of my friends found themselves, so I encourage you to extend yourself a little grace and patience.

If you say you waste time during the day, you certainly aren't alone there. I have struggled with underearning for years, and just now, at age 37 am I taking steps to spend more time on task.

May I offer you a word of encouragement?

Throughout your post here, I see a number of evocative word-pictures:

going in circles, brain scrambled, a faulty spark plug, constant nausea, ACME anvil, sleepwalking, crazy stew

Feel free to take or leave my opinion, but here goes: I see alot of vividness in your right brain. Now if you suck at math, I have no idea. But boy is your right brain on fire! I encourage you to seek a professional passion where your right brain-ness can flourish.

Can I offer one more suggestion?

You say you don't know which subforum to post a future thread in? Cool! Put a thread in "Anxiety" to the effect of sub-forum placement anxiety!

See what I am getting at? Be "meta".

Lastly, I like your metaphor about missing a muscle.

I've posted elsewhere that when it comes to dating and finding full time employment, my experience is like having an instruction manual that is missing pages. Other people got the complete manual, and I am trying to piece together instructions that seem basic to everyone else.

So, welcome! You are not alone.

Welcome from a fellow newbie!

I'm also 29, and I totally relate to (several of you who've posted here!) on the feeling of not knowing how to be a grownup and not having had any real role models in this regard. It's like everyone else was born pre-programmed with an instruction manual, and I not only had to write my own, but it's in a language I don't understand and missing several important chapters...I vacillate between being hyper-responsible and being clueless to the point of making terrible life choices. (Having been a student my entire life, I'm wondering why I can't just sign up for an "Adulthood 101" class. It'd certainly be easier than trying to learn by trial and error. ) Maybe everyone feels like this to some extent, but most of them certainly don't seem to show it.

While I need to take my own advice more often, some things that help with uncertainty and make me feel like I have more of a sense of control, when I remember to do them, are: making and sticking to schedules and to-do lists; maintaining external structure and holding myself accountable to other people (e.g., telling a friend, my adviser, etc., that I'll have something done by a certain date makes it easier to do than setting deadlines myself); and, as simple as it sounds (and as difficult as it is to do), just asking for help when there's something you don't know how to do.

Looking forward to hearing more from you!